Peter Cannon, Human Centipede: Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt #1 Review
Here’s one of two things what I knew about the character Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt before I picked up the new Dynamite Comics first issue of his new book: he was the only Charlton superhero that DC Comics didn’t ever even try to give a shot in the DC Universe after they bought the Charlton rights back in the 80s. They even gave fucking Judomaster a shot in the Outsiders book a few years ago, and Judomaster is what you get when someone needs a superhero concept by noon: “He’s a master of judo. Boom! Judomaster. Now give it to some artist to slap a Japanese flag on his chest and fetch me more bourbon.”
The other thing I knew about Peter Cannon was that he was the character upon whom Alan Moore based his Watchmen character, Ozymandias. And Ozymandias was a rich dude with an Alexander The Great fetish who used his smarts to gin up a weird master plan to trick the Great Unwashed into chucking their nuclear weapons to protect themselves from some other-than-natural monster. Of course, the original Thunderbolt couldn’t possibly be like that… and having read the backup story in Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt #1, written by the character’s creator, Peter Morisi, back in the 80s, he wasn’t.
However, having read the main story, written by Steve Darnall and Alex Ross with art by Jonathan Lau, he apparently is now.
Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt is an origin story of sorts, although the character really sort of appears whole cloth, from out of nowhere. The story begins with a Chinese nuclear test that causes the usual effects of a nuclear explosion: a big mushroom cloud, and a giant fucking dragon. Turns out it’s a dragon that just loves nukes, because he shows up after a rumor of a Russian nuke test, and then overflies New York and the United Nations because, well, apparently that’s what dragons do. Maybe the dragon loves Jersey Boys, who knows? Anyway, Peter Cannon shows up and smites the dragon, telling the world simultaneously that the dragon appeared as a result of humans waging war, and that his name is Peter Cannon and that we should buy his books and attend his schools, or maybe just send him money in a paper bag. Then a bunch of other exposition and setup for future issues happens, and we discover that the dragon was created and controlled by (Dun-dun-duuuunnnnn!) Cannon himself, apparently to trick everyone into world peace.
There’s a lot going on this this issue, but unfortunately, most of it falls to exposition and setup for future issues. We meet a warmongering general and the chief of an obvious Fox News stand-in channel who seem to exist to talk about Cannon so that we can learn about him, and to talk some more about some government-sponsored super soldiers who will clearly antagonize Cannon… at some point in the future. We meet a Japanese businessman who is pretending to open a Cannon school to get himself and his tiger-masked ninjas into killing position… at some point in the future. We see a telephone call from a Cannon employee complaining that a mummy he found has gone missing, which is a story point that should pay off… and some point in the future. We see a robed man come across a flier with Cannon’s face on it that I’m sure will pay – ah, fuck it; you get the idea.
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