I’m gonna start with a sad, yet probably obvious revelation: I have no idea what is going on in The Twelve. I bought the first eight issues in 2007 and 2008 before it went on hiatus so that writer J. Michael Straczynski could take up writing duties on Superman and Wonder Woman and also not finish. And while I remembered enjoying it, it never clicked enough with me to add to my pull list at my local comics store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop telling the paying customers, “You looking for The Twelve? Well, you came to the right guy!”

So I missed issues 9 and 10 when they dropped last month because, well, this is an in-demand book, and it was sold out when I got to the store each week; frankly, the copy I have in my lap was the last copy of #11 in stock yesterday. And since I’m two issues behind, and haven’t bothered to re-read the first eight issues, I’m kind of in the dark here, so I’m reviewing this based solely on the merits of this individual comic book. And it is a very good comic book… which shouldn’t be surprising. Because Straczynski is an excellent writer… and because it includes riffs that I’ve seen in at least three other classic comic books.

A hair late on this news, but DC Comics has announced the release dates for the first four issues of Before Watchmen. Minutemen by Darwyn Cooke, Silk Spectre by Cooke and Amanda Connor, Comedian by Brian Azzarello and J. G. Jones, and Nite Owl by J. Michael Straczynski, Joe Kubert and Andy Kubert will all drop on June 6th, 13th, 20th and 27th respectively… although if DC really wanted to announce that kind of decisive action, they should have gotten Dan DiDio to stand in front of a bank of flat-screens and say, “I released them thirty-five minutes ago.”

The books will be $3.99 a pop, or $4.99 for the digital combo pack if you want your childhood… shall we say affected… on your tablet, phone or computer. You can see the covers to these first four issues after the jump.

So DC’s announcement of the Before Watchmen series of prequel books has inspired some pretty heated reactions; hell, just the rumor of the thing did the same thing, so knowing it’s coming was bound to turn the comics Internet into stinking, sticky pissing match.

Many of the creators attached to the project have been quiet about it other than for statements in press releases and a few friendly media interviews. Many, except for J. Michael Straczynski, who is attached to write Nite Owl and Dr. Manhattan.

Now, as someone who makes it a point to go to the Spotlight on J. Michael Straczynski panel every year at SDCC, I can attest that the man speaks his mind and isn’t afraid to face down a skeptical public – last year was the year he had walked away from the Superman Walks The Earth Like Caine From Kung-Fu arc, and he certainly wasn’t shy about answering questions. If it was me, I’d have answered every question with, “Fuck you. You don’t like it? You write Superman. Dick,” but I recall him being more articulate than that.

The point is: JMS answers questions, speaks his mind, and has been a Netizen for years; the man was answering Babylon 5 questions on Usenet before Eternal September. You think he wouldn’t speak up about Before Watchmen?

Well, it’s official: DC’s putting aside the wishes of Alan Moore and their own long-time policy, and they’re putting out a prequel to Watchmen sometime this summer… either because they want to give some high-toned creators a chance to play in a legendary playground… or possibly because it would be unseemly to send Dan DiDio to stand outside the DC offices jingling change in a styrofoam coffee cup.

The story, called Before Watchmen as a whole, is gonna be released in seven different titles on a weekly basis, by some of the bigger names in comics today, and all with a backup pirate comics story called Curse of The Crimson Corsair, written by original series editor Len Wein and original series colorist John Higgins… which ties this new series to the original on a creator basis, but in a way similar to casting Die Hard 5 starring Reginald VelJohnson and that weasel who played Ellis.

So what are the books, and who’s doing them? Glad you asked:

Okay, nobody panic, but recently someone was wrong on the Internet!

A couple days ago, J. Michael Straczynski posted a chart with a horrifying, Killington black diamond descent slope that he found at some undisclosed location on a Facebook page with the comment: “Sales on The Amazing Spider-Man since my departure. Just sayin’. ”

Now, here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives, we love us some JMS. We make it a point to hit the Spotlight on JMS panel at SDCC every year, and we’ve even watched Jeremiah because of his involvement, and not to watch the final career destruction and public humiliation of Luke Perry. Well, at least mostly because of JMS.

And there was a time when I would have cheered a post like Joe’s, because there is, in fact, a bright and shimmering line between JMS’s run on The Amazing Spider-Man and what came after. I call it a bright, shimmering line because to me, it resembles a steaming, stinking arc of urine: One More Day.

One More Day was abominable. It was a wretched and cynical move to eliminate Peter Parker’s marriage from continuity without rebooting the whole character… because Marvel doesn’t reboot! Making a deal with the devil to eliminate your past is just a minor course correction! And exposing your genitals to school children is just a form of enthusiastic mime!

And frankly, the early issues of Amazing Spider-Man after One More Enthusiastic Mime were almost as bad. A rotating writing and art staff, with some kind of apparent editorial mandate to chuck a bunch of villains for Spider-Man to fight and a pile of new tail for Peter to chase felt forced. Sometimes almost desperate. I mean seriously: Paper Doll? Who makes people thin and kills them? A little on the nose, dontcha think? What, did Dan DiDio throw a trademark on the name Teabag?

So yes, there was a time I would have been on JMS’s side with his post, despite it being so passive aggressive it makes a Jewish grandmother look like John Rambo. There were several months where I kept The Amazing Spider-Man on my pull list on a week-by-week basis. However, these days the book is exclusively written by Dan Slott. It’s gotten over it’s weird need to come up with new villains no one gives a shit about, and, recent only-okay Spider-Island event aside, it has been a source of damn fun comics stories. And Amazing Spider-Man #675 is no exception.