Riddle me this Batman…

What do you get when you combine Conan the Barbarian, giant baby harp seals, a massive, drooling pug, Santa Claus, a thousand angry gophers, and a tattooed naked woman lying in bed relating the whole story to her two talking dogs? A giant bucket-full of awesome, that’s what!

If Robert E. Howard and Boris Vallejo had a love-child, and it wrote a boy-meets-dog/revenge story while tripping on mushrooms, BattlePug might be the result.