New To Comics: So… I Guess Hawkeye Drives A Yaris?

EDITOR’S NOTE: Crisis On Infinite Midlives is proud to introduce our newest contributor: Pixiestyx. Pixiestyx is relatively new to reading comics, and therefore brings a different perspective to the comics world then Amanda and myself, who have been around the block enough to know who to curse at by name and general description. She’s been leaving great, interesting comments recently, and we’re glad to add her to the Crisis On Infinite Midlives team!

Does the comic industry really want to bring in new readers? If they did, one would think that the publishers would want to make it as easy as possible for a new reader to find a storyline that interests them, as well as figure out where to begin following that storyline. I have been an occasional comic reader for just over two years, yet when it comes to much of the comic world, I feel very much like Hal Jordan, having been told to speak the oath of the Green Lanterns without knowing what that oath is – completely lost.

I know how to do research; how to comparison shop, read reviews, and decide what to buy. However, most of the publishers’ websites have not been very helpful. They are good at listing the new books for this week and what’s coming out next week; but other than great cover art images, they do a very poor job of drawing me in and telling me why I should begin reading a series. They tend to have a busy layout and are unintuitive if you don’t already know what you are looking for. The UserWiki on Marvel’s site offers series background information, but the volume of information is inconsistent – a page and a half on some, non-existent on others. It appears that Marvel’s primary focus is on getting visitors to buy a Toyota Yaris instead of their comics anyway.

Recidivism: New Avengers #18 Review

Albert Einstein supposedly said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Norman Osborn is insane. Brian Michael Bendis might be too.

Let’s start with the most important thing to keep in mind when reading this review: I didn’t particularly like Marvel’s 2008 – 2009 Dark Reign crossover event all that much. The foundation behind it – that Norman Osborn was made head of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Renamed H.A.M.M.E.R. to sound all badassed during the event) – meant that reading a Marvel comic during that time required a suspension of disbelief that would make Hercules say, “Ah, fuck it.”

Yes, I know Osborn killed that invading Skrull Queen in Secret Invasion. He also killed Gwen Stacy. In cold blood. In the middle of New York City. On camera. Making Osborn the Top Cop was roughly akin to setting Bernie Madoff up as Secretary of the Treasury, or hiring Ted Bundy as the Headmaster of The Finishing School for Aspiring Victoria’s Secret Models.

The biggest thing Osborn did during Dark Reign was create his own “official” version of The Avengers, packed with supervillains dressed as their superhero counterparts. With Daken as Wolverine, Venom as Spider-Man, Bullseye as Hawkeye, et cetera, et cetera. Which is a brilliant and interesting concept… for say, a two or three issue story arc. As a fiendish plot by some master criminal to fool street cops. “I know… while we are robbing the New York Bank of New York, we will dress in the costumes of our enemies! That will make the police mistrust and harass The Avengers, and we will have our revenge! Mwu-hah-hah-ha!”

Instead, the Dark Avengers went on for almost a year and a half, all based on a concept that also only worked if you never stopped and thought about it for even a second: “Hi, Mr. President? Meet Bullseye. Hired assassin. Done years and years in prison. Once had a brain tumor back that made him hallucinate and kill strangers. Also killed Karen Page in cold blood. In a church. And there’s garage surveillance footage of him stabbing Elektra to death floating around on the Internet. Can we get this man a badge and a security clearance? And while you’re working on that, I’d like you to meet Venom…”

Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast Episode 3: The Fistula Of Justice

The Sudafed finally mixed with the Jack Daniels and made a mellow, Earth-friendly body-meth, which gave us enough energy to complete Episode 3 of the Crisis on Infinite Midlive’s Podcast: The Fistula of Justice!

Thrill to two drunk sick people as they talk about the impact of the New 52, DC Comics’ new Neilsen Survey (Which sadly didn’t include the obvious question: Orange nip slip: horrifying moment or the most horrifying moment?), the overriding post-Catwoman question: are superhero comics sexist (“What’s wrong with being sexist?” “Not sexy, sex… Jesus, you really are a monster, aren’t you?”), and our sleeper favorite books of the week!

And to answer some questions from the show that are enigmas, wrapped in riddles, covered in mucous:

• The Crow said Don’t Look (Seriously: don’t look at this. It’s not safe for work. Or your appetite)!
• Turns out 53 is a prime number!
• Tell DC what you really think without having to spoon Dan DiDio (EDITOR’S NOTE: Rob just tried to take the survey and was told he wasn’t qualified. Probably because of his area code. Or because he said his penis had an area code of its own)!
• Newsarama asks if comic fans want to Smell The Glove!
• Hot, sweet, [male] child on [male] child roundeye action!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 37:37 — 34.4MB)

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Enjoy the show, sucker! And if you don’t, just hit that “Don’t Look” link up there!