Crisis On Infinite Midlives

If you believe the shitstorm of rage, hatred and recrimination coming from The Amazing Spider-Man writer Dan Slott’s Twitter feed since the comic stores opened at about 10 a.m. today, it would make you think that The Amazing Spider-Man #699, like The Clash in 1978, was the Only Thing That Matters. And, as the second-to-last issue of The Amazing Spider-Man as an ongoing comics concern (until someone realizes they might make an extra seventeen dollars out of Amazing Spider-Man #725), it is certainly an important comic book – and one we will be addressing in the very near future – but certainly not the only comic book of the week that matters.

Not when Luther Fucking Strode is back in the house.

Which is a long way to go to explain that this wealth of awesome…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

Seriously: this might be the most interesting week of new comics in quite a long time. Not only is there the new Amazing Spider-Man and the first issue of the second Luther Strode miniseries, but there’s the first issues of the renumbered (but not rebooted! Marvel doesn’t reboot! And the editorial staff of Crisis On Infinite Midlives hasn’t been drinking since four minutes after leaving the comic store!) Avengers and Thunderbolts (starring Punisher, Elektra and Deadpool), along with the third issue of Daredevil: End of Days by Brian Michael Bendis, and the latest Hawkeye by Matt Fraction!

But before we can review them, we need time to read them. So until we have that chance…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Tomorrow is American Thanksgiving, which means that here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, Amanda is busy mashing potatoes or candying yams or whatever the hell people do when they cook Thanksgiving dinner. And in the meantime, I am upholding my annual Thanksgiving tradition of twitching uncontrollably with the Guatamalan Eplileptic Stink Muskrat Flu.

That means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But there’s some good stuff in there for a long holiday weekend; The first issue of Dan Slott’s The Amazing Spider-Man that he has claimed on Twitter will ruin our childhoods, the first issue of The Indestructible Hulk, the first issue of IDW’s American adaptation of Judge Dredd, a new issue of The Goon, and a ton of other cool stuff! Like compulsive shivering! And dry heaves  – that’s plural, baby!

But before we can write about any of them, we first need a chance to read them, and to struggle to string together two quarter hours that don’t include the trembling shits. So until that time…

…please kill me! I mean: have a Happy Thanksgiving, and dehydration permitting, see you tomorrow, suckers!

As you are more than likely aware, there was an election for the Presidency of The United States last night, which means that we at Crisis On Infinite Midlives put down our comic books for a single evening, turned on our television, flipped back and forth between whichever channel was most likely to be displaying inordinate amounts of results-driven hysteria for the current maximum entertainment value (basically we started with Rachel Maddow screeching about hacked voting machines, and switched to Karl Rove apparently sending Megyn Kelly down to the poll office for a slice of pizza), and then waited around to hear if one guy or another called uncle. That took until about 1 a.m., which means that we are exhausted.

Combine those circumstances with the first Boston snowstorm of the year and the fact that it is Wednesday, and it means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

However, befitting an election week, we have a comics week of new beginnings and ending. Including the first Kieron Gillen / Greg Land  Iron Man #1, Brian Posehn’s Deadpool #1, Justin Jordan’s Shadowman #1 for Valiant Comics… as well as the lamented final twelfth issue of Matt Fraction’s Defenders.

But you know the drill: before we can review any of them, we need time to sleep off the electoral (read: Jack Daniels) hangover, as well as time to read them. So until that time…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Today has been a strange day. First of all, it’s Halloween, which means I’ve spent a large part of the day resisting the urge to go door-to-door in a clown costume and pretend that the courts have ordered me to introduce myself as a sex offender, if only to make the exchange of candy all the more awkward and horrific. Second, with yesterday’s announcement of the Disney purchase of Lucasfilm and a new Star Wars movie in the works, it’s decidedly difficult to put aside the excitement and trepidation behind that announcement and focus on comics. And finally, it’s a couple of days after Hurricane Sandy hit the Boston area, and while we have our Internet service restored here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office and are therefore, for all intents and purposes, back to pre-storm normal, the heart of the comics industry in New York is certainly not, which gives our personal triumph of speedy electronic pornography delivery a decidedly bittersweet tang.

But strange day or not, it is Wednesday. And even though the storm delayed the delivery of new comics until 2 p.m. today to my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop offering to show the paying customers my high-pressure microbursts, the new comics were delivered. Which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But while it might be a weird day, it’s a good day for new comics. There’s Grant Morrison and Darick Robertson’s second issue of Happy, Mark Millar and John Romita Jr.’s new issue of Hit-Girl, a new Ultimate Spider-Man, the first issue of Marvel’s A+X, Ed Brubaker’s and Sean Phillips’s new Fatale, and perhaps most prominently, J. Michael Straczynski’s and Shane Davis’s original graphic novel Superman: Earth One, Volume Two.

But before we have time to write about them, we need time to read them. And we have the time, since being on the northern end of the brunt of Sandy, I only had to deal with the harsh reality of about 36 hours of being forced to jack off using only my imagination. A lot of people in New York and New Jersey are being forced to jack off to the memories of when their comic collections weren’t six feet under water, seven miles away. So if you have a minute and a few bucks, please consider texting the word “redcross” to 90999; it’ll show up as an extra ten bucks on your cell phone bill next month, which is when Grandma starts sending you your Christmas money anyway.

However, considering we already done done it, it means we can focus on the new books. So until we do…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

We apologize for a dearth of content today, but here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, we have spent the day recovering from an evening of whiskey and observation of the finest that the American political engine has to offer… meaning we got hammered and watched the second Presidential debate. Or more accurately, we asked the immortal American question best articulated by the imminent thinker, poet and prophet, Dr. Peter Venkman: “You know, I’m a voter… aren’t you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?”

Either way, that shit’s over until next week (and besides: it’s not like anything newsworthy happened in the world of comics today, right?) Because today is Wednesday, and that means new comics, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

Now, last week was an interesting week, in that there were a couple of A-List debuts in Batman #13′s start to the Death of The Family event, and the first Marvel Now title, Uncanny Avengers #1. This week is looking a little less eventful, but there’s still some damn good stuff. Like a new The Walking Dead, the second issue of Avengers Vs. X-Men: Consequences (which at face value is a rotten post-event money sucker, but having flipped through the first half, might turn out to be our sleeper of the week), one of the final issues of Brian Michael Bendis’s New Avengers, the new Mark Waid Daredevil, and a pile of other interesting looking stuff.

But before we can review them, we need to find the wherewithal to set aside our binders full of women and actually read them. So until you can tell us whether or not the President of The United States actually said the word “terrorism” on a particular day at a particular time…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!