Cover to DC Comics' The Flash 2 by Francis ManapulEDITOR’S NOTE: This review may contain spoilers. Or it may just contain my suspicion that “The Speed Force” comes in powdered form. You are warned.

Here’s the first problem I have with Francis Manapul’s and Brian Buccellato’s New 52 reboot of The Flash: it’s not Mike Baron’s and Jackson Guice’s 1987 post-Crisis reboot of The Flash. To me, that book is the definitive reboot.

It put a new guy in the costume. It completely rethought how the powerset worked – to my knowledge, Mike Baron was the first person to make the mental leap that moving at that speed would require a lot of food and sleep to maintain… something he probably extrapolated from his prodigious use of cocaine. In short: it changed everything, and in doing so, it made it fascinating.

So when I read Manapul’s and Buccellato’s Flash, I kept wishing that I was actually reading Baron’s for the first time… and not just because it would mean that I was 17 years old and 175 pounds again. But also because this book, while beautiful, is completely uneven.

If you’re anything like me, you’re sitting there all a-quiver, wondering who Kim Kardashian dressed up as for Halloween… actually, that’s bullshit. If you’re really anything like me, you’re wondering who was up Kim Kardashian’s dress for Halloween. And how many times she opened the front door and offered a trick. Which actually is something that you don’t probably need to wait until Halloween to wonder.

Well, for good or ill, we here at Crisis on Infinite Midlives have the answer for you (Let’s call that Fair Warning): Kim went out as a famous maneater covered with a virulent infestation of malignant fungal growth! And she did it while dressed as Poison Ivy! Your need for Brain Bleach is after the jump!