Waltos Demands Sequel Consistancy: Joss Whedon Signs For Avengers Sequel

And there came a day, a day unlike any other, when Earth’s Mightiest Frozen CEO awoke from his slumber and said, “Guys: don’t be dicks. The Avengers is the third-highest grossing movie since the invention of light. Why don’t we hire the guy that, you know… did that, and see if we can’t get lucky and only get a fraction of those profits and make only a third of a billion dollars next time around. Waltos… has… SPOKEN!” Then Waltos made out with death, fingerfucked Minnie, went back into his sarcophagus and lo and behold!

Joss Whedon was hired to write and direct Avengers 2.

And then there came another day, a day unlike any other, when Waltos arose from his slumber and moaned, “This is not enough to please me! I want you to place a contract rider on this man, this man unlike any other, who grossed us a billion simoleons, and force him to develop a television show!” Which means that not only will Whedon be taking the peak seat in making the Mouse another assload of money on the Avengers 2 movie (presumably somehow including Rocket Raccoon, considering Marvel Studios is going all-in with a Guardians Of The Galaxy movie (for some reason)), but he will be upping the ante by including Earthbound, lower budget heroes.

This, however, could be good news. Because if Whedon is forced to simultaneously focus on the cosmic and the Earthbound of the Marvel Universe, he is far to clever to not notice that he has access to and creative control over Rocket Raccoon and Squirrel Girl. Which means that crossover genius Whedon will hook in every Furry enthusiast in the world, while Waltos emerges from his slumber and shrieks, “Miscegenation! Exterminate! Extermin- wait, how much money?”