Some Unknown Dude Apparently Knows His Stuff: J. J. Abrams WILL Direct Star Wars

Disney and Lucasfilm clearly have a deeply-rooted hatred of honest, hardworking writers about comics and genre entertainment. There is no other reason for them, after a full day of unanswered and anonymously-sourced rumors that J. J. Abrams has been hired to direct Star Wars: Episode VII, to finally issue a press release on the subject. On Friday night. Well after what is widely accepted and known as Beer O’Clock amongst decent comics bloggers. So by the time I noticed it, I thought that the fine folks at the Disney Corporation had declared war upon us. And that they were sending J. J. Abrams to direct the attack, with Lawrence Kasdan and Simon Kinberg in consulting positions. And that, for some reason, they had sent two press releases side by side, and that they were coated with something that was making the room spin. Sure, more bourbon helped, but after that, I became convinced that Lucasfilm was trying to sell me some herbal Viagra. Things get a little hazy after that.

But it is morning now. The birds are singing, the sun is bright, and I have finished throwing up. And it turns out that, yeah: Disney and Lucasfilm has confirmed that J. J. Abrams has signed on to direct the new Star Wars movie after all. We’ve got the press release after the jump… and here’s hoping that it treats you better than it did me last night.