Nothing From Nothing Means…: Star Wars Day Video From J. J. Abrams And Lawence Kasdan, And Star Wars: Rebels Trailers

So it is Star Wars Day because of a vagary of pronunciation (if Ben Kenobi had talked about the august of heaven, we’d be doing parking lot lightsaber duels in much more humid temperatures), which is something that would generally mean less than nothing beyond an excuse to fire up the Blu-Rays of the original trilogy while drinking White Russians with blue food coloring dripped into them.

But this is the first Star Wars Day in a decade where there’s a Star Wars movie actually in production, which means that today of all days, there is an expectation that we will hear something from the people producing that movie about the movie in question. And, true to expectations, a video was posted to YouTube by Star Wars: Episode VII director J. J. Abrams and screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan. And thanks to that video, we have learned something important!

That thing being that Abrams and Kasdan are aware of Star Wars Day, and that they understand that they should acknowledge it to the fans, left they face shock and damage!

The (Mouse) Empire Strikes Back: Star Wars Expanded Universe No Longer Canon

I know I’ve recounted this story before for people who are far too young to have seen Star Wars in its original theatrical release, but there’s some news today that makes it bear repeating: there was a time, not too long after Return of The Jedi left theaters, when Star Wars didn’t mean shit.

I know, it’s hard to believe, but by around 1989 or 1990, nobody was thinking about Star Wars. After Jedi came and went in 1983, we had moved on. There had been two Indiana Jones movies, Ghostbusters had come out, people who had been scared by Darth Vader as little kids were cackling at Freddy Krueger flicks, and Batman was ushering in the first real age of comic book movies. Star Wars was over. Nobody cared. Hell, even Marvel Comics had stopped publishing Star Wars comics in 1986, and that was the title that kept the company afloat in the late 70s.

Sure, we still loved Star Wars, but by then we had moved on. George Lucas wasn’t talking about making any more movies – sometime around the release of The Empire Strikes Back he was making bold claims about producing a nine-movie epic – and by 1986, he was busier executive producing Howard The Duck, possibly from behind a giant mound of cocaine (Editor’s Note: There is no evidence or allegation whatsoever that George Lucas was using cocaine during this period. Other than the fact that he was in the movie business, and it was the 1980s. Which, as someone who lived through that period, is pretty damning evidence all by itself. But I digress.)

But then, all of a sudden in 1991, there was Timothy Zahn’s Heir to The Empire. A novel set after Return of The Jedi featuring Luke, Han and Leia. And a story that, in those pre-Internet days, was strongly rumored to be the actual stores that Lucas planned to tell in the final three movies.

And once that novel hit, Star Wars interest exploded all over again. There were two sequels to Heir to The Empire. There was the Dark Horse comics sequel to that sequel called Dark Empire. And a metric shit-ton of other novels and comics, which piqued interest enough to get the Star Wars special editions released in theaters (including that victory fireworks display on Coruscant – a city introduced in Zahn’s novels!), and then the prequels, and then years of fandom rage, and now the new Episode VII being directed by J. J. Abrams…

…but without that first novel that really established the Star Wars Expanded Universe and kickstarted a new wave of interest in Star Wars? It’s the 70s and 80s version of The Matrix: One great movie, a couple of sorta okay ones, and ultimately a thing we liked when we were younger, until we moved on to bigger and better things, so we don’t really even think about it anymore.

So Star Wars owes a lot to its Expanded Universe. Which you would think would be recognized by J. J. Abrams, who, when he rebooted Star Trek, went to great story lengths to find a way to reboot the property without invalidating all the other stories that came before.

Yeah, but you’d be wrong. Because as of today, all of those stories? Not even remotely canon anymore.

Two Legends Talk About None Of The Things You Want Them To Talk About: Gaiman Interviews Abrams

There isn’t a lot of hard news in this interview video – by which I mean there isn’t any hard news in it – but it caught our attention because of the people involved.

J. J. Abrams has been doing the press circuit, not for Star Wars, but for a book called S, which Abrams conceived of and which was written by Doug Dorst (The author of something called Alive in Necropolis, which is, as you’d expect based on the title, a zombie story) and is comprised of not just the book, but “handwritten” notes and letters detailing a fiction investigation about the book and its author. And promotion for that book brought Abrams and Dorst to England and the BBC… where they were interviewed by an obscure journalist whose reporting is best known in a book called Don’t Panic, a long out-of-print companion book to Douglas Adams’s Hitchhikers Guide series published in 1988.

That journalist? Some dude named Neil Gaiman. If that is his real name.

Making Star Wars For Dummies

Everyone knows that J. J. Abrams is working on Star Wars: Episode VII, and most people consider this to be good news. This is partially because J. J. Abrams is not George Lucas, or at least we can’t conclusively prove that they are the same person, despite some significant evidence based on the Star Wars-ification of Star Trek and Star Trek Into Darkness.

However, there is a certain amount of trepidation over the idea of a new Star Wars by Abrams, by which I mean I have some trepidation. As much fun as I had with Abrams’s Star Trek movies, they are not exactly what you’d call Star Wars material. Sure, they’ve got the action, but the bridge of the Enterprise looks like an Apple Store, for Christ’s sake. And the closest thing we have to a selfless Jedi Knight is Mr. Scott’s little mutant / alien buddy, and the “we’re boning” subtext of that relationship means that I will require sedation and talking therapy if someone refers to it and “The Force” in the same sentence.

However, a dude named Prescott Harvey, in conjunction with agency Sincerely, Truman, has put together an open letter to Abrams in an animated video, that hits four points that any Star Wars fan will agree wholeheartedly with. But allow me to add my own fifth: let’s keep the human / alien homoerotic subtext out of the Han / Chewie relationship, shall we?

Anyway, you can check the video after the jump.

I’ve Got A Bad Feeling About This: New Star Trek Into Darkness Trailer Released

A cocky starship captain with a problem with authority yells at his partner to stop complaining about the fact that they’re being chased. Then he pilots a largely saucer-shaped spaceship, again, while being pursued, and escapes by turning the ship on its side and shooting a narrow gap. And then he snarls at his co-pilot to, “punch it!”

Yup, J. J. Abrams sure is the guy to direct Star Wars… unfortunately, these are all elements from the latest trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness.

Which I am okay with – as far as I’m concerned, the Star Wars-style elements in the first Star Trek showed he’d be a good guy to drive Star Wars: Episode VII – but then again, I am not the biggest Star Trek fan in the world. Based on some of the chatter at my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me not to offer to show my dilithium crystals to the paying clientele, there are people out there who own the technical manual for the Enterprise and can use the word “nacelle” in a sentence that isn’t, “What the fuck is a nacelle?”, who are looking at this new trailer and losing their shit.

And you can watch the trailer and lose your shit, right after the jump.

Hype, The Final Frontier: New Star Trek Into Darkness Talking Head Video

It has been a busy week here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office; our neighbors seem to have decided to leave Boston for the winter to avoid the stretch of zero-degree weather we had the last week. They also apparently decided to save themselves a big gas bill by leaving their heat off, which is something that all plumbing enjoys during zero degree weather. So we have been plagued with inspections for water damage and potential burgeoning Black Mold by firefighters and building managers, all who whom espoused concern about our health while nervously eyeing the office stashes of whiskey and cigarettes.

We have a tentative All Clear call, so hopefully our posting schedule will return more to normal soon. But we only have time this morning to provide you with the latest hype video for J. J. Abrams’s Star Trek Into Darkness… which is basically a replay of the original trailer with a bunch of people involved in the movie waxing orgasmically over the experience of working on the film. Which you can check out after the jump.

Some Unknown Dude Apparently Knows His Stuff: J. J. Abrams WILL Direct Star Wars

Disney and Lucasfilm clearly have a deeply-rooted hatred of honest, hardworking writers about comics and genre entertainment. There is no other reason for them, after a full day of unanswered and anonymously-sourced rumors that J. J. Abrams has been hired to direct Star Wars: Episode VII, to finally issue a press release on the subject. On Friday night. Well after what is widely accepted and known as Beer O’Clock amongst decent comics bloggers. So by the time I noticed it, I thought that the fine folks at the Disney Corporation had declared war upon us. And that they were sending J. J. Abrams to direct the attack, with Lawrence Kasdan and Simon Kinberg in consulting positions. And that, for some reason, they had sent two press releases side by side, and that they were coated with something that was making the room spin. Sure, more bourbon helped, but after that, I became convinced that Lucasfilm was trying to sell me some herbal Viagra. Things get a little hazy after that.

But it is morning now. The birds are singing, the sun is bright, and I have finished throwing up. And it turns out that, yeah: Disney and Lucasfilm has confirmed that J. J. Abrams has signed on to direct the new Star Wars movie after all. We’ve got the press release after the jump… and here’s hoping that it treats you better than it did me last night.

J. J. Abrams To Direct Star Wars, Says Some Unknown Dude

As of this writing, this is a one-source story based on comments from “an individual with knowledge,” with no confirmation from anyone actually named in the story… but this is, after all, the Internet, where things like confirmation and reputable, on-the-record sources happen to other media. Dying media. Media with the budget to make phone calls to people who know things. And besides, if I waited for “confirmation” for everything I saw on the Internet, I’d still be waiting for a call back vis-a-vis whether that girl in the schoolgirl suit was, in fact, a schoolgirl, and I’d never ejaculate again.

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah: The Wrap is reporting that J. J. Abrams has signed to direct Star Wars: Episode VII.

J. J. Abrams Reveals First Star Trek Into Darkness Footage. All Three Frames Of It.

So last night, J. J. Abrams was on Conan. And he announced that principal photography on the next Star Trek movie, Star Trek Into Darkness, was wrapping up in anticipation of its May 17, 2013 release date… and that he’d brought a clip of the flick to show. So the first footage from a movie that I am personally really looking forward to (sure, the real Trekkers complained that Abrams’s 2009 Star Trek was a little too much like Star Wars, but so what? Star Wars is fucking cool) debuted last night…

The problem is that “footage” is probably too strong a word, as it implies there was more than one foot. In fact, the clip was exactly three frames long. And considering standard film runs at 24 frames per second, well, you get the idea.

But this is a Web site focused on geek culture, so this is technically news, so the video clip (sorry about the opening advertisement; the clip is from the Conan Web site, and those guys would monetize sunlight if they could get it behind a paywall) appears after the jump… along with a screen grab of one of those three frames. I sat here for probably five minutes, pressing “pause” and “rewind” to get a clear image for you… and have spent the ten minutes since questioning the poor choices I have made in life that brought me to this place, where I am doing these things.