Doctor WhoOkay, the dust has settled, the TARDIS has stopped making that WHIRR-CHUNK noise, and River Song and the Doctor are apparently hitched. So I’ve been considering the most recent season of Doctor Who, and I have a few thoughts that I’d like to share. First off – Can River Song go away now? She’s gone from an interesting and mysterious character to a sort of creepy MILF, and not in that fun Stiffler’s Mom way.

Alex Kingston is a talented actress, but hearing “Hello Sweetie” is beginning to remind me of my time as an altar boy. This season, with episodes like “The Girl Who Waited” and “The Wedding of River Song”, feels like the cast of Doctor Who desperately wanted to prove that THEY. CAN. ACT. “I emote! Feel as my character feels! My Hamlet was the toast of RADA!” and so on. I don’t think that they recognize that a show with murderous rolling salt shakers isn’t going to ever win anyone a BAFTA award.