So as of last Wednesday, DC had finally released all of their New 52 books. The release had gone generally smoothly, and while there had been some admittedly bad books and a little bit of controversy here and there, the deed was done, and now fans of the DC Universe could relax in the knowledge that the biggest and most disturbing changes were over.

Sorry – what’s that, Dan?

Okay… um… QUIET INTERNET LET ME THINK!

So… that means that Crisis On Infinite Earths, the granddaddy of all Crises, didn’t happen. So none of the events that happened in that book…

Crisis On Infinite Earths

…ever happened, right?

Hawk & Dove #1

…Uh… okay… so… I guess at least we can take on faith that the events of Final Crisis, the latest Crisis and the last one that took place until Dan DiDio’s watch didn’t happen. None of those events…

Final Crisis #6

…actually occurred. Right, Dan?

Nightwing #1

Okay, wait. Just… fucking… WAIT. PLEASE throw some light on this Dan:

For those in crisis over Crisis, let me clarify.

Oh, thank God.

With so many characters and histories restarting, major events like Crisis are harder to place when they work for some and not for others. (that was one of the problems coming out of the original Crisis). While we are starting [approximately] five years into our heroes’ lives, we are focused on the characters present and future.

*Deep breath* *exhale* Okay. That make sense. In a major event, a few things are just not going to match up. Particularly with the minor characters. And I think we all need to calm down and recognize that some of the fringe characters are simply not going to make total sense, since the movers and shakers at DC were so focused on keeping the primary characters in continuity. And with that in mind… wait, what?

…While we are starting [approximately] five years into our heroes’ lives…

So… five years? So that means that this…

Batman: Son Of The Demon

…happened five years ago. Right? So that means this guy…

…is just over four years old!

That… makes… Total… SENSE… THANKS… FOR… CLARIFYING… DAN…

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