Ihre Papiere, Bitte, Or: Let’s See Some ID, Fat Indian Superman (If That Is Your Real Name)

San Diego Comic-Con is only six-ish weeks away, which takes it out of the ephemeral realm of “some thing I’ve been planning to do for 45 weeks” and puts it firmly in the area of “something concrete to look forward to other than the sweet, sweet release of death.”

That’s right: only six weeks before the biggest pop culture event of the year, with exciting comics news! Unparalleled access to the biggest comic creators and TV and movie stars! And random stops by red-shirted security goons, stopping you on your way to a photo op with a fat dude dressed as Batwoman, to ask for your papers.

Wait, what?

Curiouser And Curiouser…

It has been a busy day at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, what with trying to get into the recently popular comic spirit and deciding which of our contributors will be turning gay (the smart money’s on Lance Manion, but I have a fiver on Trebuchet).

But time waits for no comics geek, so regardless of our handicapping of which member of the masthead is most likely to change teams, it is Wednesday, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But it’s a pretty decent week, huh? There’s yet another solid-looking Jamie Delano Crossed: Badlands, a ton of new DC stuff (including Jeff Lamire’s first issue of Justice League Dark), and the continuing Spider-Man: Ends Of The Earth story!

But before we can review any of them, we gotta read them. So until that time:

See you tomorrow, suckers!

In Case You’ve Been Under A Rock On The Internet Today – Marvel’s Northstar And Boyfriend To Wed

As Rob teased yesterday, the hot topic for both Marvel and DC recently has been upping the profile of its gay characters, either by increasing their numbers or the prominence of their story lines. Today on The View, it was formally announced that in Astonishing X-Men #50, Northstar and his boyfriend Kyle will indeed wed. Here’s your invitation to the joyous event:

After the jump, check out the announcement of the impending nuptials by Whoopi Goldberg on The View. Please pardon the unfortunate “Now Batman and Robin can come out of the closet” comment by Joy Behar. She apparently is unaware that Robin is Damien, Batman’s son. Also, she’s not funny.

Astonishing View of Gay Marriage: X-Men Announcement on Tomorrow’s The View

According to Amanda, the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Social Media Director and Marketing Guru, it is safe to say that if you are a devotee and regular reader of this Web site, the research numbers indicate that you are a comics enthusiast, a geek culture devotee, and an unemployed degenerate alcoholic.

And demographic point number three indicates that you will be home tomorrow, watching daytime television and sobbing into your Mad Dog 20-20 Red Banana Flavored Semi-Gelatinous Bevaraje (because calling it “Beverage” would imply that it was legally intended for human consumption). Which means I am the bearer of good news! You’ll be around to see Barbara Walters and the other horrible, horrible harridans of ABC’s The View announce some of the details surrounding this week’s Astonishing X-Men #50!

Trailer For New CW Fall Series “Arrow” Out Now

Comics Alliance passes on the 411 about the new CW series, Arrow:

The trailer pretty much lays out what to expect from the series: Something more grounded than Smallville, with definite “I will avenge my father” overtones (That’s a new twist on the origin story, isn’t it?) and influences definitely taken from the Andy Diggle/Jock Green Arrow: Year One comic (Seriously, some of that island footage looks very Jock-ish to me). From the looks of what’s on show here, this looks much more in tune with the network’s Nikita than the earlier “One day I will become Superman but it’ll take me ten years” DC show… and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, to be honest.

And here’s the trailer:

I agree that we can do without another Smallville, although I’m bummed that Justin Hartley won’t be coming back as Oliver Queen. He, and my good buddy Lagavulin, were the only things that made the last couple seasons of that mess bearable.

Meantime, I’ll probably give this show a day in court when it debuts in October. I can always use excuse to buy another bottle of whiskey.

On To Greater Glory – Review Of Glory #26 And Wonder Woman #9

Once upon a time, in 1941, the character of Wonder Woman was created by a Harvard educated psychologist (and apparent bondage enthusiast) named William Moulton Marston. Wonder Woman is/was an Amazon princess, sent to the world of man as an ambassador of peace. Marston created Wonder Woman to be the embodiment of a type of liberated woman who was atypical in that period of history. Indeed Marston wrote, “Wonder Woman is psychological propaganda for the new type of woman who should, I believe, rule the world.” (Wow. Auspicious.) However, “psychological propaganda” origins aside, the character has been popular with men and women for decades. In fact, in 2011, IGN named Wonder Woman fifth from the top on a list of the Top 100 Comic Book Characters Of All Time.

Meanwhile, in 1993, the character of Glory was created by comic book illustrator (and foot extraction hobbyist) Rob Liefeld. Glory was created for Liefeld’s Extreme Studios at Image Comics. Glory is a half Amazonian/half demon offspring, who leaves the Amazonians to enter the world of man and kick a lot of ass. Liefeld created Glory to have a Wonder Woman type character to run around in his Extreme universe and give him an excuse to draw cheesecake.

Since DC’s reboot this past fall has served to drag 90s comic book culture back kicking screaming to the profitable fore, it is not surprising that Image has decided to relaunch some of Liefeld’s past creations, such as Supreme, Youngblood, and Glory. What might be surprising is that Glory is a better Wonder Woman comic than the one being written currently at DC by Brian Azzarello.

Why?

Read on for spoiler laden comparisons, Scooby Gangs, and basement dwelling emo gods.

Dan DiDio Enrages Royalty, Turns People Gay

Historically, Dan DiDio’s panels at San Diego Comic-Con are amongst my favorites every year. The dude has, at least publically, a visceral enthusiasm for DC Comics that is infectious to a crowd… but one which has a fine, keen edge, that isn’t difficult to strike off of true. When Dan’s forced off script, there can be unintended consequences, from unexpected revelations to real tension. Just ask San Diego Batgirl.

Well, this weekend is Mark Millar’s Kapow convention in London, Dan’s been doing panels, and has made a few interesting revelations about the immediate future of DC Comics… the first being that Wonder Woman, ambassador of peace from Paradise Island and the most famous strong female superhero ever created by a polyamorous bondage nut, might be preparing to kill us all.

Ich Bin Ein Douchebags: Fantastic Four #605.1 Review

Editor’s Note: It was the world’s strangest accident. While testing a new Web site, our heroes were bombarded by mysterious spoilers from outer space!

In a complete and total vacuum, Fantastic Four #605.1 is an interesting little one-and-done Elseworlds-style alternate history of the Fantastic Four, hypothesizing what the team would be like if they’ve been born and raised in Nazi Germany. Which, again, taken on its own is a kind of cool concept (although “Nazi Thing” sounds suspiciously like a fetish German Scheisse porno), but in the real world, it only shows that writer Jonathan Hickman has read Mark Millar’s Red Son and Warren Ellis’s Planetary, and that he also thinks that the character of Reed Richards is a real, real douchebag.

News From KAPOW! – Rufus Sewell Teases Sequel To Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Straight from the Kapow! Comic Book Convention in London, here’s news from ComicBookMovies.com about the possibility of a sequel to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Rufus Sewell:

“They couldn’t quite make their mind up during filming whether my character lived or died actually at the end. But to tell you the truth as people kept saying, ‘I’m a vampire so it doesn’t really matter.'”

“In terms of the sequel, I mean, from what I’ve seen it looks really exciting. Until I’ve seen the entire film, I couldn’t make a pronouncement on that. But I loved doing it. Dominic Cooper is an old friend of mine and we really enjoyed working with each other. Ben I liked very much.”

“It was great fun working in New Orleans. The only regret I had is that if I had known how hot it was going to be in New Orleans, when they tried the cape and the gloves on me, I might have had something to say about it! It’s very difficult eating New Orleans food if you don’t want to be the world’s first tubby vampire of the film world, you know?”

“The experience of doing it was great fun. And if the movie is as fun to watch as it was to do, then I’d be up for a sequel possibly. But you know, I’ll hold back on that for the moment.”

In case you’ve been under a rock and haven’t heard about the movie adaptation of the book by Seth Grahame-Smith, here’s a trailer to get your attention:

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter drops in theaters on June 22, 2012.

Tip Of The Mushroom: The Manhattan Projects #3 Review

When I was 16 years old and a Junior in high school, I designed an atomic bomb. Y’know, for fun.

This was back in the mid-80s, so this was a big thing to try to do; these days, I’m pretty sure you can Google “How to build an atomic bomb” and get three different working designs, provided you don’t mind getting a particular red mark on a file with your name on it, and having to get your prostate tickled every time you go within 500 yards of an airport.

No, back then you needed to hit libraries and read every book you could get your hands on about the subject, from John McPhee’s The Curve of Binding Energy (Which I highly recommend, if only to scare the living shit out of you; the next time a politician tries to terrify you with ephemeral ideas about Soviet-bought dirty suitcase nukes, it’s easier to giggle at their ignorance when you know that you can make a dirty bomb with a pile of uranium, an ammunition press, a .44 handgun and a public toilet. I am not joking) to Richard Rhodes’s phonebook about the original Manhattan Project, The Making of The Atomic Bomb, which still sits proudly on my bookshelf.

I read everything I could get my hands on about the original Manhattan / Los Alamos project for clues on how one might build such a thing (I also asked my chemistry teacher how to synthesize hexamethelinetetramine in case I needed to make RDX high explosives, and I wasn’t referred to law enforcement, but what the hell; it was the 80s. We knew what freedom was then. Freedom and Aqua-Net). I was fascinated by these guys out in the desert, trying to build something that, for all they knew, would turn all the nitrogen in the atmosphere into plasma and make the Phoenix Force look like something that could be knocked down by Midol.

All of this is one hell of a long way to go to explain why, although I am generally not the biggest fan of Jonathan Hickman’s comics, I am totally digging his work on The Manhattan Projects.