This Is The End

Not the end of us, although the dearth of content on our part over the past several days might make it seem so. It’s like Ferris Bueller said: life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while… particularly at the work that’s been stockpiling at your day job… you could miss it. “It” being your paycheck, if you get my drift.

But you do need to slow down once in a while, and this evening seemed to be as good an excuse as any, what with it being Wednesday. Wednesday means new comics, and it further means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

And looking at that take, you can see why we say it’s the end: we’ve got a lot of final issues here. We’ve got Ed Brubaker’s last Captain America, Jonathan Hickman’s last FF, Matt Fraction’s final Invincible Iron Man, and one of Brian Michael Bendis’s Avengers. With that said, there’s a new first issue of Ghost by Kelly Sue DeConnick, the start of Greg Rucka’s Punisher: War Zone, and a ton of other cool stuff!

But before we can review them, we need to read them. So until then…

See you tomorrow, suckers!

Binder Full of Comics

We apologize for a dearth of content today, but here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, we have spent the day recovering from an evening of whiskey and observation of the finest that the American political engine has to offer… meaning we got hammered and watched the second Presidential debate. Or more accurately, we asked the immortal American question best articulated by the imminent thinker, poet and prophet, Dr. Peter Venkman: “You know, I’m a voter… aren’t you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?”

Either way, that shit’s over until next week (and besides: it’s not like anything newsworthy happened in the world of comics today, right?) Because today is Wednesday, and that means new comics, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

Now, last week was an interesting week, in that there were a couple of A-List debuts in Batman #13’s start to the Death of The Family event, and the first Marvel Now title, Uncanny Avengers #1. This week is looking a little less eventful, but there’s still some damn good stuff. Like a new The Walking Dead, the second issue of Avengers Vs. X-Men: Consequences (which at face value is a rotten post-event money sucker, but having flipped through the first half, might turn out to be our sleeper of the week), one of the final issues of Brian Michael Bendis’s New Avengers, the new Mark Waid Daredevil, and a pile of other interesting looking stuff.

But before we can review them, we need to find the wherewithal to set aside our binders full of women and actually read them. So until you can tell us whether or not the President of The United States actually said the word “terrorism” on a particular day at a particular time…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Select Your Champion

This is a night that is unique. It is a night when two different and opposing parties meet and battle over their differences until a victor is decided and the course of out immediate future is decidedly chosen.

In addition, the first American Presidential debate is occurring tonight. Because I am clearly talking about the conclusion of Avengers Vs. X-Men, Which concludes this week, and which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

Still and all, it’s an interesting looking week of comics. We’re past DC’s Zero Month, which means that we have the first cold of honest-to-God issues of Rotworld in Swamp Thing and Animal Man 13, the long-awaited Daredevil: End of Days by Brian Michael Bendis with art by David Mack, Klaus Jansen and Bill Sienkiewicz, plus issues of The Boys, Ed Brubaker’s Fatale, and Brian Azzarello’s Rorschach!

But you know the drill: before we can review them, we need time to read them. Well, to read them and to decide for whom we will vote for President of The United States. So until all those silly bits of business are done…

..see you tomorrow, suckers!

Justice (League), Like Lightning…

Once again, Wednesday has come and gone, and all we have to show for it is a fresh liver nodule, the weak hope that we can survive another 120 or so hours to get the four-disc Blu-Ray of The Avengers (the definitive edition! You know, until next Christmas, when an eight-disc “Mighty” edition will undoubtedly arrive!, Probably with a teaser trailer for Guardians of The Galaxy! And a working repulsor glove!), and terminal, day job-related exhaustion. Well, those things, and a big pile of comic books. And one of those four things means that this…

…is the end of our broadcast day.

But this is actually a decent-looking week. Sure, we’re still in DC’s Zero Month, which has been kinda feast or famine, but this week we have Catwoman #0 (with new writer Ann Nocenti), and Justice League #0, with art by Gary Frank, and showing us the first actual appearance of the New 52 Captain Marvel (known these days as “Shazam,” but those of us older than 30 know better). We’ve also got the conclusion of Bendis’s Spider-Men, a new Mark Waid Daredevil, the continuing aftermath of Glenn’s murder in The Walking Dead, and the coronation of President America in The Ultimates #15!

But you know the drill: before we can review them, we need to wash off the stink of our respective employers, sober up, and then have time to read them. So for at least the next twelve hours…

See you tomorrow, suckers!

Turn Your Head And Cough

We will be performing some pretty extensive and much-needed site maintenance today, so you might see some some outages, errors, and wild changes in layout.

Please be patient with us; the drugs will eventually wear off, and all will return to normal soon.

Team 6 Was Mostly Circus Clowns. Team 5 Was Mimes. Team 4? Transvestite Prostitutes. Don’t Even Ask About Teams 1 Through 3…

It has been a crazy busy day at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, with none of our obligations being comics-related. Let’s just say that we don’t know any hookers, and even if we did, she was certainly alive when we left, and even if she wasn’t, a lot of people carry shovels in the trunks of their cars.

But bad personal craziness or no, it is Wednesday. And Wednesday means new comics, which further means that this…

…means the end (the beginning also, but regardless) of our broadcast day.

But it’s looking to be an interesting week. The book I’m most excited about it Team 7, written by Justin Jordan of Luther Strode fame and representing his first Big Two comics work. But we also have Avengers Vs. X-Men #11 (apparently someone dies; I don’t know if you heard – thanks, Yahoo News!), the DC Zero issues of Batman, Batman & Robin, and Suicide Squad, a new Jonathan Hickman Manhattan Projects, and the start of volume two of Greg Rucka’s Stumptown! There is also a new Rob Liefeld Deathstroke… I guess because if you spent your afternoon the way we did, you need to pay for your sins.

But before we can review them, we need to wash this quicklime off our hands, and then we need time to read them. So until we can do that…

Get in the trunk! There’s money in there! And drugs! And could you tell me if this rag smells like chloroform?

Er, I mean… see you tomorrow, suckers!

Phantom Stranger: Shocker

Phantom Stranger is something to be excited about as long as you don’t think about the title too much. Sure, it’s meant to elicit images of mystery and the occult… but unfortunately, it has that two-and-two syllable structure, which these days elicits something a little different. In 2012, it’s hard to say, “Phantom Stranger” without hearing things like, “Dirty Sanchez,” or “Cleveland Steamer,” or “Kryptonian Armpit Gank” (sure, that one doesn’t scan, but I never get tired of saying it).

But regardless of how it scans, Dan DiDio has sprayed a Phantom Stranger right into my fucking face, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But Phantom Stranger #0 is a strong indicator of an exciting week of new comics, which includes a bunch of DC New 52 anniversary Zero Issues, including Green Arrow, Green Lantern, Animal Man, Swamp Thing, Detective Comics and Action Comics! Chuck on top of that a new Garth Ennis The Boys, an issue of the best of Before Watchmen – Silk Spectre #3 – and somehow… somehow… a new issue of Fashion Beast by Alan Moore from the 80s… and you’ve got yourself one uniquely exciting week of comic books.

But before we can review any of them, we need some time to read them. So give us some time to recover from the Phantom Stranger by The Boys and wipe the Green Arrow off our upper lip, and until that time…

See you tomorrow, suckers!

Paper Anniversary: Our First Birthday

There will be no new comic news or reviews today, because this is our one-year anniversary here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives. And after 366 days (thank you, Leap Year!) with at least some form of new content every… single… day, well, we figure we deserve at least one day when anything we read, watch or hunt down related to comics? We want to do it just for fun.

It has been one hell of a fun year, going from a blank spot on the Internet inspired by some dingbat in a Batgirl costume who fucked up a couple of panels we went to at San Diego Comic-Con in 2011 to a kinda established spot for comic reviews, interesting news, Brain Bleach and dick jokes. We’re read some good comic books and some epically shitty ones, seen publishers hit triumphant highs and ridiculous lows, and covered one or two exciting events along the way. And we’ve done all of it either half-drunk or cripplingly hung over, so take that, big comics press.

Anniversary Sex

I fully intended to put up a full review of Justice League #12 this evening to address the hookup between Superman and Wonder Woman, but I was unable to complete it in time because after reading it, I found myself unable to stop masturbating. Hell, as we speak I’m typing this with one hand, and you know what that means:

It means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

However, being the approximate one year anniversary of DC’s New 52 launch, it means we have a bunch of cool shit to go over this week. We have annual issues for Flash, Detective Comics, and the final issue of Justice League International, along with a new issue of The Goon, the final issue of Brian Azzarello’s Spaceman, and a pile of other cool stuff!

But before we can review them, I need to finish looking at Wonder Woman and Superman and cranking myself chafed. Oh, and we need time to read them. So until the ointment arrives…

See you tomorrow, suckers!

What’s In The Box?

I have not yet read J. Michael Straczynski’s first issue of Dr. Manhattan, and I am frankly afraid to. Is it an interesting take on Manhattan’s quantum views of time, or is it a copout layering of populist understanding of quantum physics on top of a character that has absolutely no basis in quantum physics? Will it be a reimagining of the character’s very underpinnings, or will it be Straczynski saying, “Everything you thought about this character is wrong, even if everything you thought was that basic underpinning of the character!” Will it be a dense story like Babylon 5, or will it be a dense story like “Superman walks across America like a common wino”?

Frankly, until I open it, it’s all of those things, none of those things, and / or an Archie comic bound in the wrong cover. So until we can read it, this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But still, it looks like it’s shaping up to be a decent week of comics here. We’ve got Brian Michael Bendis’s and Mark Bagley’s latest issue of Brilliant, the first long-form Rocketeer story in damn near 20 years by Mark Waid and Chris Samnee, The Amazing Spider-Man‘s 50th anniversary issue, the issue of Batman: Incorporated that we’ve been waiting a damn month to see because someone’s holding a gun, and a bunch of other good-looking stuff!

But until we have a chance to read them, we can’t review any of them. So until later…

See you tomorrow, suckers!