Prime Real Estate At Close-Out Prices: Marvel To Publish George Romero’s Empire of The Dead

Back in February, we reported that Marvel was teasing some kind of comic with one of those text-based promo images reading, “…of The Dead,” and that George Romero, the director and creator of Night of The Living Dead and Dawn of The Dead (not the one with Ving Rhames; the good one, with the guts and exploding heads and the story), had also announced that he was working on some kind of zombie comic for Marvel.

And at the time, I speculated that, rather than Romero working on, say, a Marvel Zombies story or anything like that, that instead he would take the opportunity that comic books, with their unlimited special effects budgets, to tell a truly epic story about the zombie apocalypse. You know, like World War Z, only with blood, and people getting eaten. I realize that those are optional elements for stories about the walking dead who exist only to feast upon the flesh of the living, but you know: they’re nice bonuses.

That announcement in February was that the book would be released in the fall. Well, it is the fall… and Romero and Marvel has announced that they will be releasing Empire of The Dead, a 15-issue miniseries staring in January. And that it is based on a 300-page screenplay that Romero wrote that was originally intended to be a movie set in New York City during his Night of The Living Dead zombie apocalypse. And why is he doing it as a comic book?

“I could never afford to shoot there,” Romero, 73, says with a laugh.

I am wrong a lot, but Goddamn am I glad I called this one right.

Miniscule Enthusiasm: Edgar Wright Releases First Ant-Man Picture

If you had asked me six months ago, I would have firmly stated, with a great deal of confidence, that nobody gives a shit about Ant-Man.

Sure, Ant-Man was one of the first Marvel superheroes, debuting in 1962, and he was a founding member of The Avengers, but seriously: the dude shrinks. So what? And it’s not even like he can go microscopic like The Atom and fight sentient viruses in someone’s body the way he did in World’s Finest Comics #236, which I read when I was five years old and have never forgotten.

Look at it this way: Ant-Man is so lame that Hank Pym has since gone on to be known as Giant-Man, Goliath, Yellowjacket and The Wasp… basically he’s tried to be anything so he doesn’t have to be Ant-Man.

So I didn’t really give a hoot in hell about the Ant-Man movie that Marvel Studios has on the slate for 2015… until one thing happened. I saw The World’s End by director Edgar Wright, who is also slated to direct Ant-Man, and it was bar none the best movie I’ve seen this year (Sorry, Iron Man 3, Man of Steel and The Wolverine). It became the first Blu-Ray I’ve ever pre-ordered to make sure I don’t miss it, it caused me to go back and revisit Shawn of The Dead and Hot Fuzz… and more importantly, it made me look forward to what he’s gonna do with Ant-Man.

And apparently he has started doing stuff with Ant-Man, because Wright tweeted this yesterday:

Weaponized Cthuhlu: Avengers: Endless Wartime Review

Avengers: Endless Wartime, the new original graphic novel written by Warren Ellis with art by Mike McKone, is, for all intents and purposes, an effective sequel or side tale about The Avengers from the Joss Whedon movie. It is a sequel to The Avengers that, unlike Marvel Studios, has no rights issues or special effects budget constraints to deal with, and therefore can include fan favorite characters, like Wolverine and Captain Marvel, that the movies can’t. And it is a sequel that is printed on really shitty paper.

Seriously: I got my copy shrinkwrapped and therefore never opened before I got it back to the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, and the pages in the front and back third of the book were wrinkled to hell and back. And on top of that, a couple of panels had printing errors that smudged the shit out of the lettering. It’s not the worst thing in the world – it doesn’t make the book unreadable or anything, and I lost all my resale value, defects or not, the minute I stripped the shrink wrap to read the thing – but when you’re dropping $25 clams on a piece of shelf porn, you expect the thing to be printed at least as well as it would have been had it been broken into a six-issue miniseries. Your mileage may vary, and God knows you won’t spend the full $25 if you buy the thing off of Amazon or something, but I bought it at my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop threatening to demand $25 if they don’t let me strip off my shrink wrap for a close inspection.

But let’s forget about the printing issues and go back to the story, which takes place pretty much outside of current Avengers continuity, includes all the players from the Avengers movie – and they are far more recognizable as the characters from the movies than they are most modern versions of the characters in the comics –  and has the global scale of a major motion picture. And while it feels like there are a couple of stories jammed together that make things a little confusing now and again, it’s packed with familiar character notes, catchphrases, and Warren Ellis dialogue. Dialogue that would jeopardize a PG-13 rating if it actually was a movie.

Story Optional: Wonder Woman Fan Film / Demo Reel

This is actually kinda cool, if it is just, for all intents and purposes, a fan film by some folks with a particular amount of skill with the Adobe film suite.

Rainfall Films, a production company that’s done a bunch of advertising and music video work, has put together a two-minute fan trailer for Wonder Woman, directed by Sam Balcomb and starring Rileah Vanderbilt (who’s been in the Hatchet films). And when I say “fan trailer,” I mean more that it is a special effects showcase; there’s no story here, just Wonder Woman fighting some goons with guns on the streets of some city, alternating with Wonder Woman fighting with some giant monster on the island of Themyscira with some other Amazons.

But still: it’s pretty cool to look at, with a version of the Wonder Woman costume that is close enough to classic as to keep the underwear perverts who get their shorts in a twist every time someone comes up with a design that’s a little off-kilter from the original, and some pretty cool action and special effects for what amounts to a demo reel for a production company.

If nothing else, it goes to show that there are ways to shoot a Wonder Woman movie that doesn’t make it some cheesy, campy disaster, or worse: a David E. Kelley workplace dramady. And you can check it out after the jump.

Con Artistry: Constantine Creator Claims No Pay For TV Show

We didn’t write about the announced Constantine TV pilot that’s been announced as in production by Executive Producer of The Mentalist and The Dark Knight Rises writer David S. Goyer for a few reasons, the first being a sinking feeling – after all, we remember the Americanized Constantine movie with Keanu Reeves despite the liberal application of strong alcohol to try and dull those memories. But honestly, the second reason was that, if we were going to pay attention to a story about a treacherous liar playing with forces he doesn’t fully understand while throwing all his friends under a bus to save his own skin, well, until last night, we were pretty well covered.

But now that that distraction is completed (at least until the complete series Blu-Ray set drops in November), well, there’s still not a whole hell of a lot to say. No one has seen the script or the story bible yet and no one has been cast, so this thing could be anything from a well-produced and well-financed series about John Constantine wandering the world, taking on mysteries of the week while moving toward a larger, over-arcing Big Bad… or it could star Ted McGinley as a disgraced former cop-on-the-edge, tackling vampires mostly made of face putty in whatever city they want Toronto to double for this time around.

So we can’t yet talk about whether this show, assuming it ever actually gets made and shown, will be a good idea or the most modern iteration of, well, every genre TV show launched (and then scuttled) between the debut of Lost and the debut of Heroes (and we all saw how well that one turned out). But since this is a comic book property in the age of the Internet, the one question that we can ask is: will anyone involved with the creation of John Constantine – i.e. Alan Moore, Steve Bissette and John Totleben – gonna make any bank from this show?

Sure! They’ll be making exactly as much as Jack Kirby’s family made from The Avengers movies and Bill Finger’s kids made from The Dark Knight Rises: exactly fuck-all!

Back On The Chain Gang: The Trial of The Punisher #1 Review

It turns out I missed The Punisher. Go figure.

Sure, we’ve had a monthly dose of The Punisher in Thunderbolts, but I think we all know that, as fun as that book sometimes is, that’s not really The Punisher. Sure, The Punisher is a member of the Marvel Universe, and we have seen him work briefly with Spider-Man and Daredevil over the years… but The Punisher doesn’t really work with anyone. Sure, it’s a guy named Frank Castle with a machine gun, but it’s not really The Punisher. The Punisher works alone; he sits in a grimy apartment or in some van with a pile of guns and a list of names – a lot of those names are crossed out already, but names – and when he’s gone, you only know he was there from the pile of corpses and shell casings. You certainly don’t find Frank Castle’s name on some government paycheck dated any later than 1969.

Greg Rucka knew how The Punisher was supposed to be, and that’s part of why he left his run on the book. And it’s been a while since we’ve seen that version of The Punisher… but we’ve got a short dose of it now.

The Trial of The Punisher #1, written by Marc Guggenheim with art by Leinil Yu, is The Punisher that I’ve been missing for a while. Not that this team has Punisher running around in a skull shirt smoking bad guys, but instead they have him in lockup, awaiting trial for the murder of an Assistant District Attorney, with criminals all around him and not a single teammate in a red and black spandex costume in sight.

And it is more refreshing than I thought it was gonna be.

Making Star Wars For Dummies

Everyone knows that J. J. Abrams is working on Star Wars: Episode VII, and most people consider this to be good news. This is partially because J. J. Abrams is not George Lucas, or at least we can’t conclusively prove that they are the same person, despite some significant evidence based on the Star Wars-ification of Star Trek and Star Trek Into Darkness.

However, there is a certain amount of trepidation over the idea of a new Star Wars by Abrams, by which I mean I have some trepidation. As much fun as I had with Abrams’s Star Trek movies, they are not exactly what you’d call Star Wars material. Sure, they’ve got the action, but the bridge of the Enterprise looks like an Apple Store, for Christ’s sake. And the closest thing we have to a selfless Jedi Knight is Mr. Scott’s little mutant / alien buddy, and the “we’re boning” subtext of that relationship means that I will require sedation and talking therapy if someone refers to it and “The Force” in the same sentence.

However, a dude named Prescott Harvey, in conjunction with agency Sincerely, Truman, has put together an open letter to Abrams in an animated video, that hits four points that any Star Wars fan will agree wholeheartedly with. But allow me to add my own fifth: let’s keep the human / alien homoerotic subtext out of the Han / Chewie relationship, shall we?

Anyway, you can check the video after the jump.

Everything Old Is Still Old: Joker’s Daughter / Batman: The Dark Knight 23.4 Review

Of just about any of DC’s VIllains’ Month titles, there has been an inordinate of interest in Joker’s Daughter – the thing came out the day before yesterday and copies with the 3D cover are going for $100 on eBay, for Christ’s sake. Even I couldn’t get a copy with the 3D cover at my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me that if I insist upon screeching that I want to see crazy girls in 3D that I do it outside where the police can hear me.

So the obvious question is whether the comic book is actually worth the interest. Sure, a lot of the demand seems to be based on the fact that DC egregiously underestimated the number of people who wanted this book with the 3D cover, Which is fine, and a prime example of the free market and supply and demand in action, but in no way addresses whether the book is actually worth reading or not: after all, 20 years ago, Todd McFarlane’s Spider-Man #1 with the polybagged chromium cover was going for hundreds of dollars for the same reason, but a lack of supply still couldn’t make that book anything but a pile of shit by a writer who gave us a legitimate hint by repeatedly showing readers the word “doom” in big letters.

Well, having a regular old 2D copy means that I can actually open and read the book, and see what’s going on on the inside. And what’s going on in there is… weird. It is supervillain origin story as goth cautionary take by way of indictment of female body image via on-the-nose Greek tragedy. And it is a difficult book to review, because I am not 100 percent sure just how I feel about it; the book is certainly more ambitious a venture than I would have expected for a character spun off from a dude whose origin is being kicked into a vat of acid, even though I think it is a long yard away from sticking the landing. And it certainly goes in an direction and tries for a complexity that I would not have expected for a character joined at the name with a dude whose M.O. is to make people laugh themselves to death.

Oh: and Joker’s Daughter beats Jesus up. So there’s that.

The Hall H Experience (Minus The Agony): Avengers: Age Of Ultron SDCC Hype Video Released

While we did attend this year’s San Diego Comic-Con, we were not able to attend the big Marvel Studios Hall H panel that hyped Thor: The Dark World, Captain America: The Winter Soldier and, most prominently, Avengers: Age of Ultron. We weren’t able to get in for a variety of reasons, the most important being that we didn’t even try. Seriously: have you seen the line to get into the Big Room for the past several years? It looks like the aftermath of one of the battles from Kingdom Come, only with a significantly higher body fat percentage. It’s easier to break into the comic industry proper than it is to get into Hall H, for Christ’s sake.

So despite being among the lucky few to even be at the convention, we were not amongst the few thousand hardy (and sweaty. And exhausted.) few who saw Joss Whedon introduce the first teaser reel for Avengers: Age of Ultron. And for two months, I have consoled myself by trying to remember that, while those people were watching that video, I had access to unclogged toilets and food that had a surprisingly small amount of cheez dust.

Well, to hell with that small consolation. Because that video has finally made its way to the Internet. Which means that you can watch it from the comfort of the device of your choice… but if you want a truly authentic experience, I recommend going without showering before sitting in your least comfortable chair for several hours, and then watching the video on your cell phone… which you have placed on the other side of the room, preferably behind a volunteer wearing either a Batman cowl or a Heisenberg hat.

Regardless of your viewing preferences, you can check the video out after the jump.

Personal Experimentation: Sex Criminals #1 Review

Sex Criminals, the new limited series by writer Matt Fraction and artist Chip Zdarsky, is a book that asks a question about a circumstance that has never even occurred to me: what would happen if something happened to you after sex other than apologies, excuses and shame? You know: that terrible, terrible shame?

Okay, let me try this again. Sex Criminals is a comic book about two people with special superpowers that only manifest when they give each other orgasms. Hey, maybe I’m a superhero! I’m sure I’ll find out just as soon as I manage to give someone an orgasm! That must be why the ladies call me The Flash! I’m kidding, I’m kidding; they don’t think I’m a superhero. They think I’m a cop. That’s probably why they scream, “Help, police!” No? Okay.

Look, this is gonna be a weird book to review for me, because it’s a weird fucking book, okay? It’s a story about a little girl who learns that she comes unstuck in time when she comes, who tries to figure out if that’s normal through the minefield of junior high school, while dealing with her father’s murder and her mother’s alcoholism, combined with dirty jokes, dicks that glow in the dark, a list of sexual positions that look like a gymnastic routine if the Olympics Commissioner was Larry Flynt, and an armed bank robbery.

This book is all over the map. There is no “elevator pitch” for this comic, or at least not one that you could say on an elevator without being taken into custody within ten seconds of the doors opening. It’s a book with a lot of boning and jacking off, but one that isn’t about boning and jacking off. Instead, it’s about someone who grew up thinking everything they felt about sex was weird, dirty and odd, and who as an adult thinks that no one will ever really be compatible with her.

Which means that, for a comic book that includes glowing dicks and a sexual position known as “The Dutch Microwave,” it’s surprisingly relatable. Because my dick glows in the dark. Hey-yo!

Yeah, okay, I’ll stop. For now.