Lord of The Thighs: DC’s February Solicitationson November 15, 2011 at 7:00 am
Yesterday was a big day on the DC Source blog, where they apparently decided to try and recapture that excitement and magic of the first month of the New 52 by showing off every… single… cover of every… single… comic that they’re releasing in February, the six month anniversary (or six month-aversary? “Anni” means “year”. So technically, anniversary isn’t the right – what’s that? No, you’ve been drinking! but I digress.
You can go straight to the source (get it?) for the full list, but here are some of the highlights. And lowlights:
This is actually the variant cover to next month’s Green Lantern #4. The solicitation says that Sinestro is gonna be trying to liberate his home world of Korugar. However, this cover says that Sinestro and Hal Jordan will breed, and their bastard child will grow up to fist Japan. Which, I guess, is a form of liberation considering it’s the nation that invented Hentai.
Here’s Greg Capullo’s cover to Batman #6, which is solicited by DC as Batman being trapped beneath Gotham and being hunted by The Talon. However, this cover solicits that Batman and The Talon will breed, and their bastard child will ask Sinestro and Green Lantern for directions to Japan.
Here’s David Finch’s cover to Batman: The Dark Knight #6. Please God, someone tell me that’s Bane’s thigh.
This is Adam Hughes’s cover to Batgirl #6, and for once, no snark. That’s just a cool fucking cover right there.
And here’s a cool piece of news: in February, DC is gonna be releasing Batman Beyond Unlimited #1, which will roll up the Batman Beyond and Justice League Beyond digital-first releases of Batman Beyond and Justice League Beyond. Justice League Beyond will be by Dustin Nguyen and Derek Fridolf, which is all well and good… but the Batman Beyond stories will be written by Adam Beecham, who did the excellent print-released Batman Beyond series prior to the New 52… with art by Norm Breyfogle. If you read a Batman comic in the late 80’s / early 90’s, you know that Breyfogle drove the look of the character at that time, and considering he’s been down to doing Archie comics for the past couple years, it’s damn good to see him back on a Batman book.
That said: here’s the crap news:
That’s the cover to Hawk & Dove #6. Drawn by Rob Liefeld. Written by Rob Liefeld. And guest-starring Batman. Drawn by Rob Liefeld. Ow.
Just… look at it. First, look at Dove’s waist. Now look at Batman’s thigh. That’s not right. Now look at Dove’s clenched fist. Now look at Batman’s crotch. Look at it I said!
If Dove were Catwoman, she’d need both hands, a pulley rig and a block and tackle to get that job done. Looking at this picture is like looking at a Vivid Video comic porno parody starring Bridget the Midget. I’m guessing by the end of the issue, Hank Hall will be killed because when faced with danger, he will yell “Hawk!”, and fail to change when the only response is “Duuurrvvgggghhhh!”