EDITOR’S NOTE: This review may contain spoilers. Hey, it’s not my fault that all the best, most quotable lines give away the plot. Blame the writer. Clearly he’s an asshole.

Don’t mock my faith!

Your god has no junk.

Yeah, Image is gonna get some angry letters about this one, Angry, poorly spelled letters with threats of “deevine retrobyushun.” Because for good or ill, writer Brandon Seifert makes some broad generalizations about the nature of deities – at least in the world of Witch Doctor – of the kind that some lead people to make “God Hates Fags” placards, and other people to begin to suspect, or at least hope, that Seifert is right.

My point is that, if you have the right mean and sick sense of humor, Witch Doctor: The Resuscitation is a comic well worth picking up, particularly if you missed the original miniseries and don’t want to risk fifteen clams on the recent trade without getting a taste first. Not sure if you have the right sense of humor? Okay: what was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s mind? The steering column! Didja smile at that? Then you should buy this book. If you didn’t? Not only is this the wrong comic for you, it’s the wrong comics Web site.

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When Rob reviewed All Star Western #1 back in October, his summation that the book was neither “all star” nor “western”, beyond the fact that it includes the character of Jonah Hex, was pretty accurate, even despite the entire fifth of Jack Daniels I personally watched him put down his head shortly before he wrote that review. The man is a fucking machine, I tell you. However, what Rob may have overlooked is that All Star Western is not just about the saga of Jonah Hex as some kind of ass kicking fish out of water in an 1800’s Gotham City. The books also have been including an 8 page mini-story in each issue that fleshes out some of the other Western characters in the historical DCU. Issues #1-3 followed a neat little arc centering around El Diablo. Issue #4 begins the story of a newly created character called The Barbary Ghost. More on her later. Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti seem to be using these issues to tell not only Jonah Hex’s story, but to develop a detailed past history for the DCnU. Maybe All Star History Lesson was a less compelling title than All Star Western? Either way, in an interview with Newsarama, both Gray and Palmiotti express their desire to use All Star Western as a platform to explore the past and plant seeds that will have a bearing on DCU’s future – particularly in the Batman titles:

Jimmy Palmiotti: We are always researching and talking to the editors and other writers of the Batman books to see what’s going on and how we can interact and plant seeds in the past to make the whole picture make more sense. Currently, you’ll be seeing things in All-Star that have everything to do with what’s happening in the Batman titles right now.

Justin Gray: The good thing about it is that we’re working with the idea that Gotham existed long before Batman and it has a rich history to be developed and explored. Like Jimmy said, we’ve been working with Mike Marts and Scott on making sure there are elements from the past that tie directly into Batman’s time.

So, now that we’re four issues in, has this direction positively or negatively affected their stories?

Answers, with spoilers, after the jump!

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Unlike every other comics Web site in the world, we here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives are not putting together any lists of the best and worst comics of 2011. This is partially because we only came into existence in September, partially because when we review books we try to tell you what we think in a little more depth than a star rating or an idiotic list of weekly winners and losers, and partially because before we started this site we read many, if not all, of our comics on Wednesday nights while shitfaced at the bar next to our local comic store.

But if I were compiling a list of my favorite comics of 2011, Warren Ellis’s Secret Avengers would have a rock solid place on it. It has been a series of big idea, one-and-done issues with rotating, top-shelf artists, and an overriding concept – missions to stop extinction-level events that no one can ever know about – that cheerfully lends itself to big stories that can flip the bird to ongoing continuity. And this week’s #20 continues the solid run… although I readily admit that more than once, the stories have felt a little, shall we say, recycled.

A couple months ago when I reviewed Secret Avengers #18, I reveled in the fact that Ellis acknowledged that the problem with time travel is that if you just move through time, the planet would have moved, and you would pop out of your time tunnel or your hot tub or your DeLorean in the empty vacuum of space to die with blood boiling in your brain and leaving Elizabeth Shue available for Karate Kid II after all.

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Brendan Connelly of Bleeding Cool reported yesterday on the case of University of Wisconsin professor James Miller. Miller was targeted by Stout, Wisconsin police chief, Lisa Walter, over his choice to hang a poster of Nathan Fillion, as Firefly‘s Mal Reynolds, outside his office door. This is the poster in question:

More on the police chief’s rationale and how censorship was defeated after the jump.

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Okay, holiday travel is finally over, and if you sat next to me on the plane yesterday evening, I humbly apologize. It turns out that eating alligator doesn’t give you any superpowers unless you count asphyxiating passers-by. But for silencing the screaming little bastard in 4F with a little impromptu unconsciousness? You’re welcome.

But we are all back at the Home Office in time to slough off ten hours of airline ball sweat and backscatter x-rays (Which also causes no superpowers unless you count this angry mole) and to make the local comic store to pick up this week’s take!

We’ve got a big week this week: new issues of most of the DC Dark books,  Brian Azzarello’s Spaceman, Warren Ellis’s Secret Avengers, Joe Hill’s The Cape, Ultimate X-Men, and a pile of other books about six inches high! Throw on top of that out upcoming review of the Barnes & Noble Nook Comics application, and we’ve got a big week as we get back on the horse… just in time for New Year’s when we fall off the wagon!

But to crank all that out, we need an evening to read them, so this means the end of our broadcast day. See you tomorrow, suckers!

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Call this post “The Good, The Bad, and WTF”. Here are some books we’ve talked about before. Let’s check in to see how they’re doing now.

The Good

Wolverine And The X-Men written by Jason Aaron with pencils by Chris Bachalo, Duncan Rouleau and Matteo Scalera wraps up the opening story arc of Wolverine’s first day trying to run a school for young mutants. I enjoyed the first issue. Aaron continues to bring humor to this tale, now up to issue #3. He pens an engaging story that reminds the reader that your typical teen can be an obnoxious handful who believes deeply that they are the hero of not only their own story but everyone else’s. Still, all the kids want to do is fit in somehow, in his or her own way.

More goodness, badness and wtf-ness after the jump…and spoilers.

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Howdy, folks! Crisis On Infinite Midlives is recovering from an overdose of holiday cheer here in the home office. Did you know that no matter how many times you put a bottle of Poland Springs vodka through a Brita filter…it still tastes like burning death? And if you drink the whole bottle, you’ll find yourself sharing your Christmas wishes with the porcelain god rather than Santa. It’s true!

However, the internetz were still busy compiling awesome geek goodness while I was fetal in the bathroom. Comics Alliance reported that Christopher Nolan doesn’t care if you can’t understand Bane in the new Batman movie.

The filmmaker has acknowledged that the dialogue may be difficult to understand at times, but told Heat Vision earlier this month that the visuals are meant to help carry the load, “Otherwise it’s just a radio play.” An unnamed studio executive elaborated, saying, “Chris wants the audience to catch up and participate rather than push everything at them. He doesn’t dumb things down. You’ve got to pedal faster to keep up.”

In a follow up interview, Nolan was asked, “Well, has anyone come forward and told you that Bane’s voice is awesome and you shouldn’t change a thing?” to which Nolan replied, “Yeah, your mom. While I was doing her in the sound editing room! Boom! Sick burn!”

Ok, that might have been funnier in my head when I thought of it. Stupid Poland Springs vodka.

Here’s something that’s funny though, after the jump.
Really. It’s funny. I promise.

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Christmas celebrations are in full swing here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office today. There’s a good chance you’re probably busy today with holiday related drunkenness celebration yourself! Good for you! However, if you’re not and home alone today, looking for something to take your mind off that fact, I have just the thing to make you feel better about yourself. Go get a beer or twelve and come back. You’ll need it for what I’m about to show you.

Have you guessed our little surprise yet?

Our Christmas present to you, after the jump!

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Feels like I'm made of clay. Is it supposed to feel like that?

Xeni Jardin, of BoingBoing, recently wrote about an ad campaign in Mozambique that is a series of super heroines giving themselves breast exams to increase breast cancer awareness.

There is some controversy in the medical world about the value of breast self-exams. Even if it’s not the best way to detect cancer (mammography or thermography can “see” more than your hand, and many if not most lumps that can be felt are benign), I think more awareness and more data is generally a good thing. Even for superheroes.

As an aside, the ads are fun but I’m gonna guess that the creative team on this one was all-male…ever notice how public health ads about testicular cancer and prostate cancer don’t tend to feature fondle-y sexualized close-ups of those parts?

What? This isn’t “fondle-y” and sexualized?

Robin, quick! To the Bat Ball!

More breast aware superheroes after the jump.

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Ed. Note: Look, I’m just going to warn you up front that there’s spoilers in this. Starting immediately. Merry fucking Christmas!

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
-T. Heads

Madrox, The Multiple Man, is dead. Long live Madrox, The Multiple Man.

And, if you’re Madrox, you may find yourself in a parallel universe. With a beautiful rented tux. And a beautiful wife. And you may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here”? Especially if said wife is dead and you seem to be standing over your own corpse as well. Cue “MY GOD!…WHAT HAVE I DONE?”

More on what Madrox did or didn’t do after the jump. Also, there’s water at the bottom of the ocean.

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