Castles Over Kings

So now the both of us have caught this wretched head ebola, which means that posting may slow while we lie around looking for mindless entertainment to feed our middle brains while we slowly undergo the process of turning cold medicine into snot… but don’t worry about us, we have a tool for dealing with this. It’s called a screwdriver.

And a likely candidate for tonight’s distraction from our various aches, pains and uncomfortable viscous bubblings is Castle, starring Nathan Fillion, on ABC at 10 p.m. eastern time. It’s not a regular view for us, but ABC is owned by Disney, as is Marvel, and since, purely by coincidence, Marvel’s releasing a Castle graphic novel Wednesday, it seems that tonight’s episode has a distinctly Marvel Comics feel to it, which you can see in the preview after the jump:

Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast Episode 2: The Knockers Of Justice

We bought some more bourbon, which means here’s another exciting episode of the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast!

Why “The Knockers Of Justice”? There’s actually a reason this time, and it’s Catwoman and Starfire. Plus, “The T*ts Of Justice” just sounded crass for a family site. F**k you; don’t look at us like that.

Other topics include Nightwing #1, Kevin Smith’s The Bionic Man, and Event Fatigue, or: If Wolverine Begins Fighting Cyclops in Schism at 6 a.m., Stops To Fight Juggernaut in Fear Itself  at 8 a.m. and Arrives To Fight With Spider-Man in Spider Island at noon, At What Time Does Marvel Start To Give a F**k About Continuity?

Plus, here are a few links to items we discussed in the show:

• Laura Hudson of Comics Alliances op-ed on Catwoman and Red Hood and The Outlaws
• Comics Reporter Week in Review, including Judd Winick’s quote on his Catwoman characterization
• Comics Alliance roundup of Catwoman parody cartoons

Enjoy! Or at least don’t complain too loudly!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 45:58 — 42.1MB)

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She’s Back (And Pantsless!) – Review Of Wonder Woman #1

Brian Azzarello might be my favorite person in the comic book world, this week. First, he published this great letter on Vertigo’s editorial board, On The Ledge, in which he rails against the future for not delivering the goods it promised:

Dear Future,

F**k you.

You promised me a jetpack, and didn’t deliver. You’ve led me on and really let me down, so you can go to hell.

I’ll admit it: when you handed me a glass of Tang and a Space Food Stick I fell for you hard. You told me you were gonna be beyond my wildest dreams and we would be going places (using that jetpack, right?). You literally promised me the moon and I bought in hook, line and sinker. Well, if I still had that Space Food Stick I’d shove it up your fat bony ass, you two-faced, fun-squashing bag of woe. You can go to hell.

I, too, am disappointed by my lack of cheap, afforable jet-pack ownership. It would make going to my local comic book store ever so much easier and cooler. However, I did manage to get there this week and was rewarded for my efforts with Wonder Woman #1, also written by Mr. Azzarello with art by Cliff Chiang.

Exclusive Pictures of Pussy!

Some celebrity gossip site called Just Jared got their hands on some more pictures of Anne Hathaway in the Catwoman costume she’s wearing for The Dark Knight Rises.

Here’s one; you can go here for the rest if you don’t mind that their second top story is about Justin Bieber going to Chik-Fil-A… and if you do mind (Please God, if you’re reading this Web site, tell me you fucking mind), Bleeding Cool has all the pictures plus a few more exclusives you can check out.

There seems to be a lot of negative buzz in the comics world about the new costume ever since the first official photo of Hathaway in the suit came out about a month and a half ago – not enough cat ear, too much cat ear but the mask is stupid, no tail, the high heels are dumb for a cat suit – all of which make comics people look less like they’re interested in a good Batman movie and more like petulant, disappointed furries losing their boners.

Brave New X-World – Review Of Ultimate X-Men #1

This week, Marvel’s Ultimate line reboots its X-Men franchise with Ultimate X-Men #1 written by Nick Spencer with pencils by Paco Medina and inks by Juan Vlasco. We’re dropped into a world that is still mourning the death of Peter Parker, and is now rocked by the revelation that mutants aren’t a natural occurrence, but instead are the by-product of decades of bio-engineering experimentation. The general public has orders to shoot any mutant that has not turned itself over to a containment camp. Also, Santa Claus isn’t real and your mom never loved you. It’s a beautiful day in the fucking neighborhood.

Warning – spoilers below the fold!

Go Ask Alice: Batman #1 Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following review may contain spoilers. It definitely contains rank amateurish speculation. Tread lightly.

I never read Alice in Wonderland because I was born in the early 1970’s and therefore had Star Wars. I didn’t see the recent Johnny Depp Alice in Wonderland flick because it was a Tim Burton movie that didn’t have Batman in it. So I know next to nothing about Lewis Carroll’s story beyond the character names… but I know enough about Batman to know that the odds that a new character named Lincoln March who is running for mayor will eventually unmask himself as a new supervillain named The March Hare are approximately one in one.

I was – and remain – so sure that this is how this new character was going to turn out that I reread Batman #1 about four times, inspecting the art and rereading every word looking for clues. Meaning that Batman #1 is detective story worth reading repeatedly. It’s about fucking time.

Sometimes You Need Detergent And Elbow Grease; Sometimes You Need An Exorcism – Hellblazer #283

This isn’t a review. This is what happens when I’m left alone in a room with a packet of Sudafed, a bottle of Scotch, and a stack of comics and start to free associate. You’ve been warned.

Menthols? What alternate reality is this?

In addition to John Constantine’s sizable, nay, myriad tragic flaws as a human being, in John Constantine: Hellblazer #283 – “The Devil’s Trench Coat Part 1” we learn that he also doesn’t do laundry. John Constantine would have been that guy who lived on your floor in your college dorm who deposited all his athletic wear on the carpet of the hallway outside his doorway after sports practice and just left it there, stinking up the joint until a squadron of RAs was dispatched to enforce a cease and desist – that is, if Constantine actually went to college. Constantine’s aversion to even hitting his trench coat with the occasional blast of Febreeze is so bad that the coat has, apparently, gained sentience and gone on walk about. Then some hapless chump buys it on Ebay:

Flying Man is Flying

Next week is the final 13-issue drop of first issues in DC Comics’ New 52, and they’re ending it in the last week in exactly the way they started it the first week: firmly in second place behind Marvel Comics, with women everywhere screaming that they’re nothing but a gaggle of adolescent, sexist pigs. They will also be releasing a Superman comic.

Whereas week one’s Action Comics #1 focused on Grant Morrison’s take on Superman’s first year as a superhero, the main Superman title, written by legendary penciller George Perez with breakdowns by Perez and finished pencils by Jesus Merino (Who did some issues of Justice Society of America a couple years ago), is gonna focus on Superman in the current DC continuity, including his new, underpantsless costume. By which I mean it has no underpants on the outside. I assume he wears underpants underneath his spandex pants, otherwise we will be learning the disturbing way whether or not Kryptonians are Jewish. But I digress.

Comic Book Resources has a five-page preview of Superman #1; go check it out then swing back…

Wow. Those pages sure are pretty, and I want to withhold final judgment until I read the entire book, but based on that sample, I’m guessing that in the new DC continuity, Superman’s fatal weakness is exposition.

Because Stiffman’s Power Is COMPLETELY Different: DC Universe Presents: Deadman #1 Review

Deadman is one of those characters created in the 60’s that, if he hadn’t been drawn extensively by Neal Adams, probably wouldn’t exist today except maybe in a background shot of a Grant Morrison story written on a day when Grant was feeling a nostalgia for Silver Age DC ephemera almost as powerful as the peyote that’s probably fueling that nostalgia.

The concept behind Deadman is pretty ridiculous at its core for a superhero comic: a famous circus trapeze artist not named Wallenda (which was apparently something you could earn a living at in the days before cable TV and home video pornography) is shot to death by a sniper with one hand. He is then sent back to Earth as an invisible, undetectable ghost with the power to possess people. And he uses that power in the pursuit of justice, rather than the pursuit of possessing whoever happens to be banging Lindsey Lohan at this particular moment, or making Linda Blair gack up pea soup. Possibly while banging Lindsey Lohan. But I digress.

Seriously: Deadman’s power is to possess people, giving those people the ability to… do whatever those people could already do, only with a carny sense of humor. Which is a great character to have in your deck if you happen to need a deus ex machina (“Being invisible, I saw that The Joker fled to the playing card factory!”), or for a familiar character to suddenly start spitting out douchey jokes, (“I saw that The Joker fled to the playing card factory! Now pull Superman’s finger, Batman!”). It has it’s uses, but it’s not like Deadman’s ever been the kind of character that could ever anchor his own title.

Which is why, when I found DC Comic Presents: Deadman #1 in this week’s books, I dealt it to the bottom of the read pile. And why I was surprised that, when I did read it, I found it to be the sleeper hit in this Week’s New 52.

What’s That Giant Sucking Sound? – Review Of Red Hood And The Outlaws #1

18 days ago, when this very Website opened for business, I pointed out that Rob still believes that DC owes him $1.99 because he voted in a phone poll to have Jason Todd killed and they wouldn’t let the fucker stay dead.

I now believe we can tack at least another dollar on to that. That would bring us up to the current cover cost of Red Hood And The Outlaws #1, written by Scott Lobdell with art by Kenneth Rocafort.

This book started with potential. Roy Harper supposedly went to Qurac to help the local populace overthrow their dictator and got thrown in prison for his troubles. Jason Todd travels to Qurac to break Roy Harper out of prison.

Hilarity and a body count ensue. Ok, not really. Just the body count.