Bitter Old Bastard: Amazing Spider-Man #675 Review

Okay, nobody panic, but recently someone was wrong on the Internet!

A couple days ago, J. Michael Straczynski posted a chart with a horrifying, Killington black diamond descent slope that he found at some undisclosed location on a Facebook page with the comment: “Sales on The Amazing Spider-Man since my departure. Just sayin’. ”

Now, here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives, we love us some JMS. We make it a point to hit the Spotlight on JMS panel at SDCC every year, and we’ve even watched Jeremiah because of his involvement, and not to watch the final career destruction and public humiliation of Luke Perry. Well, at least mostly because of JMS.

And there was a time when I would have cheered a post like Joe’s, because there is, in fact, a bright and shimmering line between JMS’s run on The Amazing Spider-Man and what came after. I call it a bright, shimmering line because to me, it resembles a steaming, stinking arc of urine: One More Day.

One More Day was abominable. It was a wretched and cynical move to eliminate Peter Parker’s marriage from continuity without rebooting the whole character… because Marvel doesn’t reboot! Making a deal with the devil to eliminate your past is just a minor course correction! And exposing your genitals to school children is just a form of enthusiastic mime!

And frankly, the early issues of Amazing Spider-Man after One More Enthusiastic Mime were almost as bad. A rotating writing and art staff, with some kind of apparent editorial mandate to chuck a bunch of villains for Spider-Man to fight and a pile of new tail for Peter to chase felt forced. Sometimes almost desperate. I mean seriously: Paper Doll? Who makes people thin and kills them? A little on the nose, dontcha think? What, did Dan DiDio throw a trademark on the name Teabag?

So yes, there was a time I would have been on JMS’s side with his post, despite it being so passive aggressive it makes a Jewish grandmother look like John Rambo. There were several months where I kept The Amazing Spider-Man on my pull list on a week-by-week basis. However, these days the book is exclusively written by Dan Slott. It’s gotten over it’s weird need to come up with new villains no one gives a shit about, and, recent only-okay Spider-Island event aside, it has been a source of damn fun comics stories. And Amazing Spider-Man #675 is no exception.

What’s Green, Scaly And Russian In Origin?

So, this an image that may or may not be conceptual art for the Lizard in the Spider-Man movie reboot popped up on the Russian Web site, Spider Media. Yes, it does have a “.ru” in the address. No, it is not babushka porn. Settle down. Google Translate tells me all the Cyrillic comes out to “SpiderMedia.RU : Comics, Movies, Superheroes, Games, Action Figures, Animation, News, Reviews” and at this stage no Red Dawn malware seems to have been installed on my computer, so, as far as I can tell, these are our people. And they probably have vodka, so take a look and tell me if you think this art looks pretty close to the Steve Ditko art I’ve shopped in next to it:

This man could definitely sit down and have a chat with you about the heartbreak of psoriasis...but he'd probably just eat your face.

It’d be nice if the creatures created actually looked like they came from the comic book the movie was about, right?

Sure, as Bleeding Cool pointed out, this has been released conveniently close to the promotional Pez dispenser reveal, but, who cares? It’s certainly better than the costume they came up with for the Green Goblin in the first movie. Hell, they could probably use a green Sharpie to draw scales on a greenman suit and it would look better than the Green Goblin costume for the first movie.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go satisfy my craving for Pez and vodka.

Doubleteaming: Avenging Spider-Man #1 Review (Analog Edition)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Avenging Spider-Man is the first book in a new Marvel Comics initiative where they provide a free download codes for a digital copy of the book inside the print edition’s back cover. This review is about the story and art itself. We will be publishing a secondary review about what it was like for me, who has never downloaded or read a digital comic in my life, to try and download and read the digital copy. I imagine it will be slightly more difficult than downloading pornography, which I accidentally did four times while writing this paragraph.

Amanda made me promise that I wouldn’t start my review of Avenging Spider-Man #1 ranting about Marvel’s lack of internal logic in it’s own continuity. She made me swear that I wouldn’t start screeching about how the book depicts Mayor Jameson taking time to officiate the New York Marathon not ten days after the conclusions of the Spider-Island and Fear Itself events, both of which had left Manhattan looking like a fraternity toilet the morning after Bladder Bust night. And she made me promise on a stack of Holy Books (Well, my issues of Miracleman) that I wouldn’t sneer in pointing out that Thor is shown in this book as the most dedicated Avenger, reporting to duty to battle a giant robot despite a prior commitment made in Fear Itself to decay and smell bad.

So, being a man of my word, let’s talk about Avenging Spider-Man #1 on it’s own merits. To start with, the title “Avenging Spider-Man” is a much better title than “Marvel Team-Up”, which is really what this book is.

Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast Episode 6: The Justice of Winky Von Browneye

It’s, err… a day (We’ve just about given up on a regular schedule for this thing)… which means that it’s time for another exciting episode of the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast!

Brought to you, as always, in crystal-clear Drunkard Digital 2.0 surround sounds (2.1 if Rob burps into the microphone! And you don’t want to know under what circumstances it becomes 2.2!)

Discussed in this week’s program:

• Monthly Comics: Holding The Line at 20 Pages plus House Ads and Shilling for Harley Davidson!
• Looney Tunes, or: The Diagnosis of Super-Villains (Ooh! I vote Tertiary Syphilis!), and:
• Our unreviewed books of the week: Deadpool, Dead Man’s Run, and the conclusion of Spider-Island!

And you can follow along at home with these links, kids!

• Who the hell wrote Astonishing X-Men 43, anyway?
• Our Spaceman Review
• Psychiatrists Call Out DC On Depictions of Mentally Ill
• Putting the Caped Crusader on The Couch
• Batman Villains Psychoanalyzed by Mental Health Experts
• Broadcast Thought
• What the hell is The Psychopath Test?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 45:54 — 42.0MB)

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As always: wear headphone when listening at work unless you’re tired of your job!

Enjoy the show, suckers!

There Was No One Left To Speak Up

We here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives have decided that, no matter the cost, hardship or obstacle, we will attend and report on next year’s New York Comic Con. Because we feel that we have a responsibility. A responsibility to you, to us, and to every comic book reader who lived through the last 35 years of comics publishing. To prevent anything like THIS from every happening again:

Marvel then showed off the teaser already seen of the burning hoodie of the Scarlet Spider. “What’s this?” [Manager of Sales & Communications Arune] Singh said for [Spider-Man Editor] Wacker to respond “The worst costume ever!”

…and when they came for the people who fucking hated the Clone Saga, there was no one left to speak up.

Sorry, that was unnecessarily pessimistic. Hell, they made FUN of the Scarlet Spider, right? Maybe things’ll be okay, right? RIGHT?

That exchange prompted the announcement of a new “Scarlet Spider” ongoing by writer Chris Yost and [penciler Ryan] Stegman.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO N-

*deep breath*

Okay, let’s all calm down. Maybe this isn’t all bad. Maybe they’re bringing the Scarlet Spider back to make fun of him. It could happen! Maybe they’re making Ben Reilly the Forbush Man of the Spider-Man books! It’s a light-hearted gag! They can’t possibly be taking this seriously, right? RIGHT?

A Drop Of The Creature: Venom #7 Review

Editor’s Note: This review contains spoilers about Spider-Island. It has spiders. Also, some other stuff. You have been warned.

Now if you insist upon using a comic story as a parable about a serious issue, Venom #7 is a much better way of doing it. But we’ll get to that.

This issue is a crossover issue to Marvel’s Spider-Island event that I initially picked up for only one reason: issue 7 of any book Rick Remender writes is the point where it stands a solid chance of going gloriously and disastrously off the rails.

Think about his 2008 run on Punisher, which he started in the middle of the Dark Reign event when Norman Osborne had managed to use public opinion and political intrigue to wrest control of SHIELD from Tony Stark even though he was woefully unqualified and The Green Fucking Goblin. While the X-Men remained neutral and the Avengers wrestled with ways to turn the tide of public sentiment away from Osborne even while it turned against themselves, Remender had The Punisher come up with an ingenious and crafty plan to turn Osborne’s fortunes by shooting him in the face.

That was issue 1. By issue 7, Remender had the straight-ahead, no-nonsense Punisher fighting zombies. And thus began a long, slow train wreck that culminated in the Punisher being killed and resurrected as Frankenstein. Reading Remender’s Punisher was like watching a Kardashian try to redefine pi in a room full of cocaine and NBA players: a hot mess I couldn’t take my eyes off of.

So when I saw Venom had reached the critical seventh issue, I wanted in on the ground floor of the implosion… so imagine my surprise when it turned out to be a damn good book, and arguably the best part of the Spider-Island event so far.

I’m Assuming There’s A Point

EDITOR’S NOTE: This story was updated 10/1/2011 with details about the fifth teaser. You can read more after the jump.

Earlier this year, Marvel rolled out the concept of a “Point One” issue of their books – an issue outside a book’s normal 12-issue run that would be written as a one-and-done book that wasn’t heavily tied into ongoing continuity to act as a jumping on point for new readers. Meaning that they’re old-school annuals, for all intents and purposes, but I’m guessing somewhere along the line Marvel realized “.1” is more attractive than “Annual”… or at least it is when you’re paying the printer by the letter.

Apparently the Point One initiative’s been pretty successful, and I tend to agree – we’ll probably be reviewing Black Panther 523.1 later week, and while we didn’t get a chance to review X-Factor #224.1, it was a tight story that was one hell of a way to get into the best X-Book you’re not reading. And it seems it’s been successful enough that earlier this week, Marvel announced a 64-page Point One issue for the entire Marvel Universe, where they’ll be teasing their events for 2012 and “the return of fan-demanded characters.” (But Marvel doesn’t reboot! Because Marvel makes no mistakes! And pay no attention to the fact that Bucky Barnes has been dead twice since 2005 while still co-headlining his own book!)

All week long, Marvel’s been rolling out teaser images for the one-shot, including stuff you’d expect for an event teaser, like Brian Michael Bendis’s and Bryan Hitch’s upcoming Ultron arc in Avengers and Matt Fraction’s already-announced Defenders book with penciller Terry Dodson… but they’ve also teased a return of Nova by Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness… and yesterday they teased, well… THIS:

Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast Episode 2: The Knockers Of Justice

We bought some more bourbon, which means here’s another exciting episode of the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast!

Why “The Knockers Of Justice”? There’s actually a reason this time, and it’s Catwoman and Starfire. Plus, “The T*ts Of Justice” just sounded crass for a family site. F**k you; don’t look at us like that.

Other topics include Nightwing #1, Kevin Smith’s The Bionic Man, and Event Fatigue, or: If Wolverine Begins Fighting Cyclops in Schism at 6 a.m., Stops To Fight Juggernaut in Fear Itself  at 8 a.m. and Arrives To Fight With Spider-Man in Spider Island at noon, At What Time Does Marvel Start To Give a F**k About Continuity?

Plus, here are a few links to items we discussed in the show:

• Laura Hudson of Comics Alliances op-ed on Catwoman and Red Hood and The Outlaws
• Comics Reporter Week in Review, including Judd Winick’s quote on his Catwoman characterization
• Comics Alliance roundup of Catwoman parody cartoons

Enjoy! Or at least don’t complain too loudly!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 45:58 — 42.1MB)

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