Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast Episode 7: The Skidmark of Justice

You thought we’d given up, didn’t you? No such luck; it’s a day, which means it’s time for another exciting episode of the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast!

In this week’s episode, we talk about:

• How to get comics into the hands of children (Give a store to Jerry Sandusky! What, too soon?)!
• What to pay your kids for allowance (Or, Sundusky’s Lawsuit-Be-Gon)!
• New Jersey Comic Conventions (or: SDCC with GTL and MPV meaning HEP3!)
• F***ing Digital Comics: How Do They Work (Great, if you hate paper and reading comprehension)!
• The pros, cons, Novas, Phoenixs (Phoenixes? Phoenices? Phoenicians? Penises?) and Wonder Twin clones of Marvel Point One!
• Our favorite non-reviewed books of the week, and:
• Fisting a ham (Oh, it’s in there)!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 47:11 — 43.2MB)

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | RSS | More

As usual, if you listen to this at work, you should wear headphones! Unless your boss is into that hot, sweet, man-on-piglet action (And if he is, thanks for listening, Coach Sandusky)!

Thanks for listening, suckers!

Lord of The Thighs: DC’s February Solicitations

Yesterday was a big day on the DC Source blog, where they apparently decided to try and recapture that excitement and magic of the first month of the New 52 by showing off every… single… cover of every… single… comic that they’re releasing in February, the six month anniversary (or six month-aversary? “Anni” means “year”. So technically, anniversary isn’t the right – what’s that? No, you’ve been drinking! but I digress.

You can go straight to the source (get it?) for the full list, but here are some of the highlights. And lowlights:

Doubleteaming: Avenging Spider-Man #1 Review (Analog Edition)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Avenging Spider-Man is the first book in a new Marvel Comics initiative where they provide a free download codes for a digital copy of the book inside the print edition’s back cover. This review is about the story and art itself. We will be publishing a secondary review about what it was like for me, who has never downloaded or read a digital comic in my life, to try and download and read the digital copy. I imagine it will be slightly more difficult than downloading pornography, which I accidentally did four times while writing this paragraph.

Amanda made me promise that I wouldn’t start my review of Avenging Spider-Man #1 ranting about Marvel’s lack of internal logic in it’s own continuity. She made me swear that I wouldn’t start screeching about how the book depicts Mayor Jameson taking time to officiate the New York Marathon not ten days after the conclusions of the Spider-Island and Fear Itself events, both of which had left Manhattan looking like a fraternity toilet the morning after Bladder Bust night. And she made me promise on a stack of Holy Books (Well, my issues of Miracleman) that I wouldn’t sneer in pointing out that Thor is shown in this book as the most dedicated Avenger, reporting to duty to battle a giant robot despite a prior commitment made in Fear Itself to decay and smell bad.

So, being a man of my word, let’s talk about Avenging Spider-Man #1 on it’s own merits. To start with, the title “Avenging Spider-Man” is a much better title than “Marvel Team-Up”, which is really what this book is.

Myopia, or: Frank Miller Serves The Assbug

Hey, didja know Frank Miller has a blog? Me neither! I bet it’s just chock full of little tidbits about Frank’s creative process, how he works, what he’s working on next, and a million other juicy insights that would excite the comics enthusiast! Let’s tune in, shall we?

The “Occupy” movement, whether displaying itself on Wall Street or in the streets of Oakland (which has, with unspeakable cowardice, embraced it) is anything but an exercise of our blessed First Amendment.

Wow! I feel like I have an insider’s view into… Wait, what?

This is no popular uprising. This is garbage. And goodness knows they’re spewing their garbage – both politically and physically – every which way they can find.

Oh, Frank. Who hurt you? Grab a glass, pour a drink, and tell your Uncle Rob –

Maybe, between bouts of self-pity and all the other tasty tidbits of narcissism you’ve been served up in your sheltered, comfy little worlds, you’ve heard terms like al-Qaeda and Islamicism.

Oooookay…

Recidivism: New Avengers #18 Review

Albert Einstein supposedly said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Norman Osborn is insane. Brian Michael Bendis might be too.

Let’s start with the most important thing to keep in mind when reading this review: I didn’t particularly like Marvel’s 2008 – 2009 Dark Reign crossover event all that much. The foundation behind it – that Norman Osborn was made head of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Renamed H.A.M.M.E.R. to sound all badassed during the event) – meant that reading a Marvel comic during that time required a suspension of disbelief that would make Hercules say, “Ah, fuck it.”

Yes, I know Osborn killed that invading Skrull Queen in Secret Invasion. He also killed Gwen Stacy. In cold blood. In the middle of New York City. On camera. Making Osborn the Top Cop was roughly akin to setting Bernie Madoff up as Secretary of the Treasury, or hiring Ted Bundy as the Headmaster of The Finishing School for Aspiring Victoria’s Secret Models.

The biggest thing Osborn did during Dark Reign was create his own “official” version of The Avengers, packed with supervillains dressed as their superhero counterparts. With Daken as Wolverine, Venom as Spider-Man, Bullseye as Hawkeye, et cetera, et cetera. Which is a brilliant and interesting concept… for say, a two or three issue story arc. As a fiendish plot by some master criminal to fool street cops. “I know… while we are robbing the New York Bank of New York, we will dress in the costumes of our enemies! That will make the police mistrust and harass The Avengers, and we will have our revenge! Mwu-hah-hah-ha!”

Instead, the Dark Avengers went on for almost a year and a half, all based on a concept that also only worked if you never stopped and thought about it for even a second: “Hi, Mr. President? Meet Bullseye. Hired assassin. Done years and years in prison. Once had a brain tumor back that made him hallucinate and kill strangers. Also killed Karen Page in cold blood. In a church. And there’s garage surveillance footage of him stabbing Elektra to death floating around on the Internet. Can we get this man a badge and a security clearance? And while you’re working on that, I’d like you to meet Venom…”

Tomorrow, Same Bat Time…

Due to circumstances beyond our control (Damn you, party liquor!), our content is obviously a little light today, and for that we apologize.

We hope to get right back into the swing of things tomorrow morning, with a fresh pair of eyes, a renewed sense of purpose, and an ability to stray more than 17 feet from a toilet, trash barrel or neighbor kid.

(Seriously, though: Amanda’s review of House of Night, the Dark Horse Comics adaptation of the P. C. Cast and Kristin Cast series of novels for people who love Twilight but can’t afford hardcover books, will be up first thing in the morning.)

In the meantime, by way of apology, please accept our humble offering of the 1966 Batman television show animated opening credits. If that show were directed by Christopher Nolan. You can find it right after the jump,

We Didn’t Start The Fire

It is Wednesday, and since the Arkham City video game has made many of us… shall we say, sensitive to the idea of Harley Quinn in a bustier, that means that this…

…particularly a new Suicide Squad, means the end of our broadcast day.

But let’s talk about a decent take, shall we? We’ve got a new Black Panther, a new Ultimate Spider-Man, and a new Star Trek Vs. the Legion of Super Heroes (Or as we like to call it here at the Crisis on Infinite Midlives Home Office: Two Saturn Girls, One Spock)!

But we’ve gotta read them before we can write about them, and before that we have all this beer we need to turn into hangovers!

So: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Do-Over: Fear Itself #7.1: Captain America Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: It’s Wednesday, so let’s slip one more review in before the comic stores open with this week’s books. And this review contains spoilers. But it’s no big deal, because the spoilers in this review have already been spoiled. And sacked. Oh wait, I’m American – I meant teabagged. Whatever. Anyway…

Life Model Decoys are android body doubles that are sold to S.H.I.E.L.D. by Stark Enterprises. Which is owned by Tony Stark. Who is Iron Man. And would presumably recognize one of his products. Particularly when wearing his Iron Man armor, which is all sensory and shit.

So when expert spymaster Nick Fury decided to hide the fact that Bucky Barnes was not actually killed in Fear Itself #3 but instead was apparently just resting, he chose to replace him with a Life Model Decoy. And make Tony Stark, while wearing the aforementioned sensory-and-shit Iron Man armor, the first person to whom he showed said decoy in service of this fraud.

With logic like that at hand, it’s a shame that Fear Itself #7.1 writer Ed Brubaker isn’t writing issue 7.2, so we could see Fury trying to convince Thor that Mjolnir is a buttplug.

…That Thing That Makes You Feel Like A God: Whedon on Wonder Woman

We’re gonna gamble on the giant longshot that there’s any interest whatsoever about Joss Whedon on the Internet and point out that he just did a reasonably extensive interview online (No, not with us. The only way Joss Whedon would answer any of our questions would be if the first one was, “Do you want to see your dog alive again?”).

Most of the interview centers around his upcoming quickie release of Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, but he also drops a few tidbits about what his long-gestating and ultimately doomed movie adaptation of Wonder Woman might have been like:

She was very powerful and very naïve about people, and the fact that she was a goddess was how I eventually found my in to her humanity and vulnerability…

Hmm… did I accidentally dial up an interview with Ted Bundy?

Marvel Cozies Up All In Your Nook

Yesterday, Barnes & Noble announced that they’ll be releasing the newest version of their Nook e-reader, the Nook Tablet (which sounds like something you take for a particularly virulent yeast infection) next Friday, November 18th. It’ll have a dual core chip, a gig of ram with 16 gig of onboard storage, integrated Netflix and Hulu Plus apps, and… something else…

Marvel Entertainment announced today that the hotly-anticipated NOOK Tablet from Barnes & Noble (NYSE: BKS) will offer readers access to the greatest graphic novels of all time.

Wow! Marvel’s releasing Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns?

Featuring the Avengers, Spider-Man, Wolverine and more of the world’s most popular super heroes, NOOK Tablet launches with a digital library of your favorite Marvel graphic novels—and more of your favorite stories are on the way!

Oh, okay. Those are pretty good, too.